The President of Lankville
Dispatches from President Pondicherry
By Dr. Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.
President of Lankville
Unflattering file photo
Now is the time for us to be thankful for hockey and for the foods at the Pondicherry Association arenas. You have pretzels, frosted nuts, terrible automat pies, decorative hams (decorative only), small pizzas, and seasonal sandwiches. The league is at its largest this season– 9 teams on 2 islands and this means both a greater occurrence of hockey contests but also a greater selection of foods.
We have been privileged this season to enjoy the mysterious seafoods of the Hoover Islands: Dalefish, fried prepondoros, Half-Crabs and Boat Raifs. Chris Vitiello has introduced our fine league to decorative meats and may I say, they are beautiful but somehow not very satisfying. (Pondicherry was immediately whipped). This has truly been a great campaign.
We can now only pray that “The Summoning” will not be released upon us. For then, and only then, will there be true world comfort.
God Bless,
Dr. Pondicherry
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By Dr. Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.
President of Lankville
Unflattering file photo
Dear Friends of the Pondicherry Association,
During summer, I find it useful to wander shirtless into a waving field of grains. There, using primitive tools, I dig a hole. With each year, due to the increasing capaciousness of my rump, the hole must be made larger. And yet, with each year, my strength grows weaker. It is a conundrum.
I am looking forward to a fine season of hockey. It is our hope that the owners and the Players Union will come together in the spirit of the game to forge a solution. Solutions happen only after careful contemplation in holes which is why I mentioned the earlier story about sitting in a hole.
God bless,
Dr. Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.
President
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CURIOUS LETTERS
Gentlemen,
My name is Fletcher M. Gregory, Jr. and I am 85 years old. I have long been an admirer of your Fluffy Marshes-Mallows; indeed, my man-servant Mr. Swift and I enjoy it atop our sundaes three or four days per week! However, as time has passed, I have noticed that your product becomes more and more difficult to locate in the grocery center and that other, obviously inferior products are now being allotted primer space. Now, this could be the work of the disgraceful he-she that manages my local grocery center (IT'S name is "Steve") but I have had other associates who have expressed similar concerns.
Therefore, I was hoping you could provide me with information on how you intend to rectify this matter as I am fearful that your fine product will eventually disappear forever from the shelves of my local grocery center-cum Sodom.
Yours faithfully,
Fletcher M. Gregory, Lankville
LETTER SACK