Obituaries

MR. KEEVE GIBSON

FOREIGN WRESTLING  Every Wednesday, Huffs Cement Arena, 7PM

FOREIGN WRESTLING Every Wednesday, Huffs Cement Arena, 7PM

Mr. Keeve Gibson was lost at sea
on Monday.  He was 52.

MR. FONDIS GREENE
Funeral services for Mr. Fondis Greene
of the Eastern Lankville Shore Area will
be held Saturday at the Greater Shapely
Tabernacle.  Burial will be at the Eastern
Lankville Grounds. Friends are invited to
send flowers or candy.

Mr. Greene was killed in a challenge
on Tuesday. He was aged 47.

MR. GORDON INCAVIGLIA
Services for Mr. Gordon Incaviglia of the
Northern Hole Area will be held Friday at the
Bunning Metroplex Theatre. Mr. Incaviglia
will be cremated and his ashes will be saved
for awhile in a closet and then thrown away.

Mr. Incaviglia was killed in a challenge on
Sunday evening

The Eagles Club, Inc. of the South Lankville Savannah Area is having an open house next Friday.  Halved eggs and cake will be served. 8PM

The Eagles Club, Inc. of the South Lankville Savannah Area is having an open house next Friday. Halved eggs and cake will be served. 8PM

He is survived by his wife Penny.

MRS. BETTY PEARLS
Mrs. Betty Pearls plunged over a cliff on
Monday for reasons unknown.  She was 52.

She is preceded in death by her husband
Clafford, who was killed in a challenge last year.

Services will be held at the Holy Kimball Rooms
in the Pines Area.  Mrs. Pearls will be buried
at the 10-Beginnings Area Cemetery on Saturday.
Friends are welcome.

MR. CLAUS PRESENTATION

Mr. Claus Presentation died on Sunday from
injuries sustained in a challenge in the Eastern
Lankville Factory Area.  He was 40.

Services will be held in the basement of

the Three Kings O’ Great Centre of the Divine.
Mr. Presentation will be buried at home.

He is survived by his wife Mary, 38, who is
rated about a 4 out of 10 by our staff.

At Royer Industries, we believe that the Easter Bunny should be accessible at all times of year.  Come see him in our lobbies at 1 Royer Centre, Downtown Lankville.  (Copy written by Ric Royer).

At Royer Industries, we believe that the Easter Bunny should be accessible at all times of year. Come see him in our lobbies at 1 Royer Centre, Downtown Lankville. (Copy written by Ric Royer).

MR. AUGUSTUS SESSIONS
Mr. Augustus Sessions perished suddenly on
Saturday evening. He fell off a roof during
an unexpected challenge. He was 68.

Mr. Sessions had been engaged in the small
fish business since 1979. It was through
this business that he met his lovely wife
the former Kimberley Steps of Outer
Lankville. They had some children.

“Augustus was a fine provider,” noted
Kimberley, as she pushed a plate of small
fish in front of us. “He was a good man,
a small man but solid. He was capable of
folding paper in a curious way.”

Mr. Sessions will be buried on Monday at
the Buntz Mallows Grave Center in the
Southern Lankville Savannah Area.

MR. OTIS WHITMAN
Mr. Otis Whitman was cannibalized on Tuesday.
He was 66.

He is survived by his wife Eleanor who was still
figuring out what the fuck she wanted to do at
press time.

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  1. Luigi
    July 24, 2014 at 11:06 am

    It appears all my friends have joined the 52 Club. This is a sad day.

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