Missed Connections

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MISSED CONNECTION  (1842)

Saw you at the pretzel kiosk. You– a sturdy blonde wearing overalls. Me– about 5’5 with pants. At first sight, I realized that I wanted to suddenly die and be buried inside you. Coffee? Call Lankville Station 1842.

MISSED CONNECTION  (2716)

I was standing in a bush and I saw you walk by pulling a suitcase on wheels. And I thought, “Boy, she looks like she could take an awful lot in.” Did you want to meet? West Lankville Barrens 2716.

MISSED CONNECTION (3425) 

You vomited against the side of a Christmas model train display. I helped you clean up. If you’re feeling better, I’d like to take you out for snacks. Eastern Fjords 3425

MISSED CONNECTION (8327)

I asked you out one time. You thought about it for awhile but then you said it would be better if I just went off into the woods or, at the very least, a broad copse. I’m thinking maybe that we give it another shot though. Drinks? Southern Lankville Township 8327

MISSED CONNECTION (9038)

It was at the amusement park. We both stopped before a funnel cake that had been dropped on the ground. You said, “they put too much powdered sugar on it. That’s the only reason someone would drop it like that.” I didn’t know what to say, wish I had said something. Second chance? Small Hill Area 9038.

MISSED CONNECTION (4112) 

You: stunning brunette in a woven-panel sweater and shorts. Me: clerk at the record store wearing the tight bicycle pants. You asked for an album of pinwheel music. We talked about pinwheel music for a little while, then you had to meet somebody. Hope next time, it’ll be me. Pyramid Area 4112.

MISSED CONNECTION (0615)

Give some examples where it would be unrealistic to keep bins open as more items “arrive” from space to be packed, rather than to close the bins permanently based on otherworldly criteria. You’re beautiful. Packing District 0615.

MISSED CONNECTION (0998)

Halfway down the staircase, we abruptly came to a stop.  We smelled death. “Death?” we said aloud to no one at all.  A queasy feeling came over us though we were both still ravenously hungry.  The smell worsened. We saw a shadow move quickly across the tall window in the recessed doorway.  Though we were frightened, we both admitted later that we thought of oversized bowls, filled to the brim with peanut butter candies.  The smell became unbearable. We moved downstairs to the phone.  “Yep, yep,” we said like some sort of strange chorus as we listened to the dial-tone.  A man picked up on the second ring. You gave your name. But I have forgotten it now. Lankville Underground Stop 0998.

MISSED CONNECTION (4484)

What I can do about this, dear? It’s hopeless. (Rest of ad illegible) Southern Peninsula 4484.

MISSED CONNECTION (3445)

We went to dinner last Thursday at Big Ed’s Barbeque. I knew I liked you instantly– unfortunately,  I became  nervous, agitated even, and to make up for my discomfort, I constructed a small model farm out of scrap wood on our table. I built a barn, a house, some chicken coops and a covered bridge.  Long after you had left (I was admittedly unresponsive) and the night was passing into morning, I painted each structure and then, using some old electrical insulation made of paraffin, created some ersatz stones to place along a running creek powered by a train engine, that I built of open PVC tubing.  I imagined that I lived in my little farmhouse.  I imagined you as my comely but good-hearted wife. I imagined driving teams of oxen across the creek for purposes unknown.  I imagined great tempests, tearing through the farm and all of us huddling together in a cold basement, waiting for the tempests to pass.  I imagined cans of vegetables and fruits down there and some meats hanging from the ceiling. Do you imagine too? Call Lankville Pines 3445
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Sponsored by Freed's Onion Rings. The first name in Lankville rings of sliced onion, dipped in batter and deep-fried.

Sponsored by Freed’s Onion Rings. The first name in Lankville rings of sliced onion, dipped in batter and deep-fried.

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WE ARE LANKVILLE

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