Home > 2012-13 Season, Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Grey Horde Creeps

Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Grey Horde Creeps

January 8, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Ric Royer
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I was half asleep on a chair that had been shoved violently into a corner. The hall was dark, cold and cavernous– they had left all the tubas on the floor and a couple of music stands had been kicked, bent in half and then set on fire.

I had not been invited. I had been across the street, sticking up a gas station. The old counterman was trying to make idle conversation as he filled the sack with cash. “I got a paneled staircase that goes down to a paneled basement,” he nattered. “We keep canned goods down there, behind a couple of western doors. It’s a whole different room for the canned goods, you understand. I keep the dry goods up top, on a shelf.”

I saw the limos pulling up in front of the great hall, the elegant figures alighting from the back. And I especially noticed the women.

The old counterman continued on. “About 25 years ago, we fixed up some grey linoleum on the floor for my son. He was having a party and we…” I cut him off. “What’s that over there?” I asked, grabbing the sack. “They have dances,” he said. “Dances for the Fraternal Bears Club.” “Right. Thanks for nothing asshole,” I said. I pushed over a rack of balloons out of pure malice.

As I crossed the busy intersection, I first got wind of the creeping grey horde. It was coming in from the west, forming a discordant tableau against the tall buildings and the advertising signs. Somebody, far away, went out into the street in his wife-beater and took a shot at the horde with a pistol. He was devoured instantly.

I waited in back of the hall and jumped a half-drunk suit as he walked by. As he lay unconscious, I swapped out our clothes. For some reason, he had a laminated card that showed color photographs of different soups. I found his ball ticket in the breast pocket.

I waited on line. Just as I was about to go in, I took a glance backwards at the creeping grey horde. It was closer– perhaps a mile off now. There was just the beginning of what became a deafening roar.

I hung around the coat check. There was a petite brunette there– not selling it too much on the tits but Grade-A on the ass. I watched her work for awhile and then, during a lull, I decided on a gambit.

“Fuck this shit,” I told her. “You need better.”
“You’re so crude,” she said, in a timid, innocent voice. Her face flushed red.
“I know a hotel. Might as well baby, the creeping grey horde is here.”
She suddenly grew very white. She knew it, we all knew it.
“What about the coats? The hats?”
“Fuck that, baby. They’ll all be gone soon enough.”

I decided I didn’t feel like blowing my score on a hotel room so I did her in a room off the main hall. Then we smoked some cigarettes and listened to the music next door.

“That was…intense,” she said. “It was…lovemaking.”
“Yeah, baby,” I said, as I spat against the wall. “I really menaced that ass.”

And then we suddenly heard the horde and the music stopped next door. The building began shaking.

Well, it ended up that everybody died but me. They died in a strange way– the creeping grey horde just came straight through windows and doors and grabbed them up, including sweet-ass.

The horde left me there in that hall.

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