Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Snappy Dressing by King Tucker

Snappy Dressing by King Tucker

King Tucker.

King Tucker 

The Lankville Daily News is pleased to present a new feature by King Tucker of Hoover Island.

Hoover Island is famous around the world for its nudity. Our culture is primarily nudist. If you were to walk down our broad avenues, you would notice many nude people. You might notice, for instance, giant exposed titties or big hanging dongs. In our culture, this is completely normal, nothing unusual at all.

Upon occasion, however, we do dress. At our annual harvest, for example, my palace is thrown open to all Hooverites and a lavish pumpkin ball is held. It is a grand celebration of yet another success with our pumpkin crop, Hoover Island’s chief export. Our lovely women, their hair coiffed in complicated, intricate waves, grace the palace in their exquisite evening dresses. These are the same women that, perhaps, just a few days before, you saw stark naked, bending down to rummage through a basket of potatoes at the local market. This is our life, our culture.

For the pumpkin ball, I commission a tuxedo in sea foam green with an orange bow-tie (in celebration of our great gourds). I greet each Hooverite and compliment them on their snappy dress. Many of these people I saw completely nude– top to bottom, just a few days prior. I have come to memorize their disrobed haunches as a Lankvillian might memorize a neighborhood street corner. All of this is completely normal. It is our legacy.

I settle the throng with the gentle tinkle of a fork against a glass. And I speak of the pumpkins. “We are dressed tonight to celebrate our great harvest,” I will generally say. Sometimes, I pick up a pumpkin (a little one) and hold it up for everyone to see. The image of the monarch, clad in the finest-tailored suit, is inspiring to the people.

But the next day, we are all nude again. Back are the bare-skinned yams, the pendulous nads right out there like a bunch of worn-out socks. But this is our life. This is Hoover Island.

These are my people.

Further articles by King Tucker will continue in later issues.

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: