Home > Flying Saucers Today! > Flying Saucers Today! The Kearnel Incident

Flying Saucers Today! The Kearnel Incident

Edited by Graahaam Fosdick

Edited by Graahaam Fosdick


There has been so much controversy among the Lankville UFO community regarding the strange adventure of Wilton C. Bugles that we have asked for his own story. Here it is:

My name is Wilton C. Bugles and I am a grain buyer from Western Lankville. In May of this past month, I was transferred from my position in the town of Barrett to the town of Kearnel by my employer. At other times of the year, I buy grain in Eastern Lankville and still at other times of the year I buy grain in the south and sometimes a little bit southwest of there and then at other times (Bugles was asked to skip past the grain thing).

Well, the day of May 22nd was a dark and misty day in Kearnel. I was inspecting some fields of milo and corn that I had bought and some that I was considering buying. The best way to tell what you want to do regarding corn is to have a look at the husks and then (Bugles was asked to skip past the corn thing). Well, anyway, after I inspected the husks, I drove down to Kearnel where I was going to inspect another field of corn except that this field of corn (Bugles was asked to stop with the whole field of corn thing and continue). OK, well, it was probably about 2:30 PM by then and I drove to an abandoned farm just to turn around and head back home. Just as I was about to turn into the heavily-rutted drive, I saw a large flash about a quarter mile ahead of me. I figured on somebody blasting trees up ahead but I heard no report. Matter of fact, I very briefly heard what sounded like calliope music. I decided to drive ahead and see what was the matter.

I drove along the river and when I got to within approximately 100 feet of it, my truck suddenly stopped. I figured on the road having jiggled some of the wires loose. That sometimes happens when you get along one of those rutted farm roads and what you gotta’ do then is go in there and check all the wires and make sure that you don’t (Bugles was asked to skip over the wire bit). OK, well like I said the truck stopped dead. Next, I looked up, and saw what looked like a giant balloon. I got out of the truck and walked towards it and I realized it weren’t no balloon but a sort of big silvery ship that looked like it was made of polished steel or aluminum. And suddenly a door slid open and two men came towards me. They asked if I had any weapons and I said “no”, having forgotten I think in fear that I had seven pistols on me. They took the pistols and then frisked me. I asked them what kind of a blimp that was they had and they said that they weren’t leaving for another few minutes yet anyway and that I could come aboard and take a look.

An artist’s rendering of the Bugles ship.

So they led me up the ramp and into a big room with all kinds of computers and there was four other men and two ladies. Both the ladies had these silver suits on that had arrows starting at the shoulders that ended at lovely firm bosoms. The bosoms were developed in such a way that you don’t see so much on earth especially with some of the sort of hillbilly garbage that I normally encounter. The bosoms were (Bugles was asked to skip past the bosoms). OK, well anyway, they had these big pieces of paper that was coming out of this slot in the dashboard and they was tearing off the paper and then reading some of the things that was on there. And one of the ladies with the developed bosoms- well, she asked me, she said, “we would like you to look at this data and tell us if it is correct.”

They had me sit on a box- they didn’t have no chairs. The box was cardboard and on the side it was printed “irregular jeans”. But it was firm when I sat on it so the jeans must’ve been filled right to the top and packed in there pretty fair. So that’s when I look at the paper and I couldn’t cotton on to what it was trying to say whatsoever and it really was just a bunch of numbers and symbols and there was a couple pictures on there that showed a cornfield and I knew right away it was my cornfield because the picture, well, it was of a pretty good quality, not like them pictures you see in the Farm Gazette or anything but really clear, crystal clear.

That’s when one of the men there started talking about how it weren’t no good between him and his wife. And he was so frank about it that I started to get a little embarrassed a fair piece. “Nah, I can’t make nothing happen down there,” he said, in his deliberate manner. “It’s like trying to shove a marshmallow into a parking meter.” And then one of the ladies– well, she started suggesting all kinds of things he could do and I never did hear a woman talk like that, certainly not any of my three wives, god rest their souls.

“Well, let’s be off,” one of the other men said. “Lot of planets to visit. Lot of planets. We got the corn samples, we’re done here.”

The others seem to agree and that’s when they told me that I could go on back to my truck and that it would start and I could drive away.

“Whereabouts are you all from?” See, I couldn’t resist asking the question.

They all whispered to each other and seemed to be consulting some sort of electric map that was popping up on a screen on the dashboard.

“We’re from Barrett,” one of them finally said.

Well, I ain’t no professor or anything but I certainly know every soul in Barrett and I sure didn’t know nothing about them.  But that’s when one of the men, well, he started fingering a ray gun on his belt and I felt it best not to ask.

I left and walked along the rutted road back to the truck. She started right up. And that’s when the big silvery blimp or ship or whatever it was, burst out into the air faster than a toupee in a hurricane.

Make of it what you want but that’s the god honest truth. God honest truth.

Mr. Bugles is a respected member of the community. Flying Saucers Today! presents this account as a work of truth and have included it in the ever-expanding canon of saucer literature.

  1. March 30, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Still the funniest stuff on the net.

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