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Return to Hoover Island by Dick Oakes, Jr. (Part II)

January 8, 2013 Leave a comment

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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File photo

I do not have an audience with Tucker until the following evening. I decide to sample a little of the Hoover Island nightlife.

“Take me some place hoppin,” I tell the taxi driver. He turns around and nods and I notice that he has tiny red eyes. This rattles me slightly. Still, within moments, he pulls up to an oceanside restaurant bedecked in colorful bunting. “You’ll like it,” he says, holding out his hand. I tip him generously while noticing that his eyes have suddenly devolved into the color of rust.

The place is packed– half the patrons in the buff. I order a whiskey and soda from the bar and survey the goods. Lot of gorgeous T&A to be seen but some guy with a hose-like schlong keeps dancing into view. I walk over and explain my outlook on the situation and he quickly recedes into the background.

Moments later, the bartender comes over.

“I saw what you did there. You must be from the mainland.”
“Yep. He was fouling up the scenery.”
The bartender politely smiles. “All of the people here are scenery. Makes no difference if we’re talking about giant gazongas or a set of smooth, milky-white nads. It is all beautiful.”
“Why don’t you stick to serving drinks and I’ll stick to deciding what I want to look at, pal.”
He smiles again in a patient, almost-grandfatherly way. “Whatever you say, my friend.”

After awhile, I get pretty lit and then I suddenly have to urinate terribly. I cross the thumping dance floor, nude bodies rubbing up against me and enter what appears to be an empty restroom. The door closes and in the mirror I suddenly notice the bartender. He has a crowbar in his hand.

“I will teach you now about beauty, son,” he says.

I remember taking the iron across the skull and then nothing after that.

Categories: 2012-13 Season Tags: ,