Home > 2012-13 Season > Expansion “Dead Puck Era” Club Joins Association

Expansion “Dead Puck Era” Club Joins Association

By Tommy “The Anvil” Bulova
Small Events Attache

file photo

It was announced this morning that the expansion “Dead Puck Era” club has joined the Pondicherry Association.

“I’m really gladdened by this,” said owner Chris Vitiello, who made his fortune in the production and placement of decorative hams. “It’s something we’ve been working towards all summer and to see it come to fruition, well…”

Vitiello, who was wearing a Viking helmet, a hockey jersey and swim trunks began sobbing uncontrollably.

Once recovered, the owner and GM began outlining a plan for the upcoming draft, scheduled for September 15.

“We’re going to have a lot of graphs and spreadsheets printed up. Then, we’ll place them in giant binders. I want enough binders to fill a tall bookshelf. Then, and only then will be ready.”

A titter was heard among the sportswriters and a look of both extreme anger and purpose crossed Mr. Vitiello’s face. He then alighted from the podium, found the offending sportswriter and began whipping him mercilessly with a nearby belt. A shocked silence came over the room.

Mr. Vitiello then climbed back up to the podium. “Let that serve as notice,” he said.

The press conference was then abruptly ended.

Categories: 2012-13 Season
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