Home > Ordeal of a Cosmonaut > The Ordeal of a Cosmonaut by “Nick”

The Ordeal of a Cosmonaut by “Nick”

Grievous falsehoods from a piss ant

It has been a week since I crash-landed on Freebis. I have been staying with Gustav (for that is the name of the fat, red-faced man) and have been force-feeding myself candy at every meal. Gustav, in his ever-accommodating fashion, has been trying to serve the candy in ways to simulate the foods of earth– he presented an enormous amount of the sweetmeats in a large salad bowl complete with tongs*. Still, though, I have grown sick at the thought of eating more candy– each meal is now a sort of revolting hell and I fear the moment when I hear the tinkling of the plates and silverware and the sound of the candy being dumped into serving dishes from the kitchenette. Also, I have become addicted to model glue. There are large storage sheds of model glue on Freebis.

I have made a few lonely expeditions outside the pale (Gustav patently refuses to accompany me, though he is generous with directions and information). And I have found mile after mile of unbroken arid lands. Upon occasion, a lone succulent may be found growing but otherwise all is desert.

Except for the mysterious storehouses. I noticed a precision to their appearances and, taking measurements, I found them each to be separated by a half-mile. They are domed-shaped with heavy grey doors– high fences surround them. Gustav has keys to many but not all and he has warned me against illegal entrance, though rather lamely. “They could return,” he notes. “Who?” I ask. He does not answer.

During my first survey of the storehouses, I thought I might lose my faculties. Every heavy door opened to a darkened arena filled to the ceiling with candy. I thought that if I searched deeply, I might find some other more suitable form of sustenance. But there was nothing but candy. The frequency did not vary until I found the storehouse with the model glue. There are two of these.

When my strength returns, I will travel the two hours to the wreckage of my ship. Perhaps I can salvage some parts.

I must return to earth.

*Author’s use of bold. Reasons unclear.

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