Staple Comes Loose from Royer Paddle Ball Game
File Photo
By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
A staple has come loose from a paddle ball game owned by mall-dwelling Lankville business magnate Ric Royer, according to sources. The executive is believed in repose.
Staples coming loose from paddle games can render them useless and cause extreme emotional distress for the owner, experts agree.
“Mr. Royer had been playing with the game for most of the morning,” said his personal assistant Orpan Gheymook. “By lunchtime, the string was clearly stressed, the staple was bent awkwardly and the endless jackhammer action of the ball slapping against the paddle had rendered the contraption near the breaking point. Mr. Royer was warned but he continued playing at a similar high level and all of the sudden, the staple came completely loose. We never did find the ball.”
Gheymook continued. “Mr. Royer let out a horrific scream and collapsed in a corner. For some reason, he removed his shirt as he went to the floor. He could not be consoled and ultimately we had to remove him to a comfort station. I have no further updates.”
Royer’s whereabouts are currently unknown.
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The book is gone. It will never return. We hear stories but they are likely false. We live in the woods now. We make fire with a lighter that we found in the street. It was crushed by a truck but, somehow, perhaps through some intervention that is beyond us, it still works. We are waiting. We are waiting.
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The Hit program from the 1970's returns to Lankville TV tonight on LBC!
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ADULT ADVERTISEMENT
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