Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Belvedere Mauled by Bear

Belvedere Mauled by Bear

By Grady Kitchens Senior Staff Writer

By Grady Kitchens
Senior Staff Writer

 

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS, YES!

Lankville Daily News columnist Brock Belvedere, Jr. was badly mauled by a bear Wednesday evening in the cafeteria at the Lankville Memorial Discount Zoo in the Western Valley Area. Belvedere is currently in critical condition.

Zoo officials stated that the bear entered the cafeteria via an access doorway that was accidentally left ajar.  He immediately attacked the 52-year old journalist.

"Bundles", 2005-2014

“Bundles”, 2005-2014

“He [Mr. Belvedere] was eating alone and “Bundles” had somehow climbed out of our historical bear pit, went up a stairway into the cafeteria unnoticed and just got all up in Mr. Belvedere’s cranny,” noted zoo official Rance Keepers.  “Fortunately, pretty much all of our patrons were carrying guns and they shot Bundles dead.”

The Lankville Bureau of Probes has already opened an investigation.

“Obviously, we’ve had a number of problems with the Lankville Memorial Discount Zoo,” noted lead prober Detective Gee-Temple. “You have the President [Dr. Pondicherry] being eaten by a lion, you have the incident a few years back with Ric Royer getting his arm stuck in a trash receptacle shaped like a lion’s head, you have that terrible zoo peeper that used to hang from trees. Clearly, an investigation is warranted.”

Belvedere is being treated at Vitiello Decorative Hams hospital.

“We may have to do some surgery,” said Dr. Alvin Parrish, who was interviewed by telephone. “His head is basically off. I mean, it’s still on but really it’s about off. I think bears like to eat heads the best and that’s what we’re seeing here today, Grady.”

Belvedere has been a senior staff writer for the News since 1979.

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