Robots to Monitor Parks
By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS, YES!
In an attempt to curb the recent rise of “park challenges”, the Lankville Bureau of Probes announced yesterday that they will be installing mechanical police robots as early as next week.
“Many people go to the park,” said Detective Gee-Temple, who is spearheading the initiative. “They go and then they see a challenge, maybe two. And it ruins their picnic, volleyball game or make-out session,” noted Gee-Temple, who gave a short press conference this morning in which a large sheet cake was served. “The Lankville Bureau of Probes have collaborated with the Electronics Cranny to create this new “park robot” which will hopefully help to ebb this recent wave of challenges that have afflicted our great country.”
Detail of “park robot”.
Gee-Temple then removed a sheet from an object behind him. It turned out to be a “park robot”.
The intrepid detective then invited the creator of the “park robot” Fritz Tennis to the lectern.
“Each of these robots has been trained in the art of disrupting a challenge,” noted Tennis, an inventor and frequent Electronics Cranny columnist.
“Their strong mechanical arms and molded steel “grippers” or “hands”, if you will, are specifically designed to overwhelm the challenger, engulf him in robot and ultimately keep the challenger shackled until further police or robot help can arrive.”
“The “park robots” are also designed to shoot people in the face if necessary,” added Tennis.
Tennis suddenly left through a side door and no further questions were taken.
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