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Shopping Bag Falls Over, Causes Haunting

January 20, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Grady Kitchens

By Grady Kitchens


A shopping bag has fallen over causing a haunting, sources are confirming.

The bag, full of produce, was placed against a kitchen wall by Ms. Hannah Agrarian-Curtains, 28, of the Central Lankville Rural Area.

“I was hurrying to answer my phone and I placed the bag against the wall and it wasn’t propped up right,” said Ms. Agrarian-Curtains, who was sobbing intermittently. “I should have known what would happen.”

Ms. Agrarian-Curtains claims that the collapse of the bag kicked off a chain of events, the repercussions of which are still being felt in the area hours later.

Artist's rendering of what Ms. Agrarian-Curtains saw on her kitchen wall.

Artist’s rendering of what Ms. Agrarian-Curtains saw on her kitchen wall.

“The sky went a sort of yellowish color. I looked out my back window and saw a man in the alley who was sadly waving at me. It was more of a wave of “goodbye” than “hello.” Then, suddenly, one of the kitchen walls was illuminated by what appeared to be a series of letters coming from some ungodly, abominable, cursed film projector. They flickered horribly for ten seconds or so and then they flamed out. They just said, “THE END”.”

Ms. Agrarian-Curtains sobbed uncontrollably.

Detectives were called to the scene but could offer no explanation.

“We took all the people in the neighborhood into custody but the man in the alley was not located nor was the old, haunted projector,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was the first to respond to the scene. “It’s a crime with no solution,” added Gee-Temple, who began examining Ms. Agrarian-Curtains’ spice rack in search for clues.

“I just wish I had properly put away the bag of produce,” noted Ms. Agrarian-Curtains.

A press conference is expected later today.

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