Home > Opinions > OPINION: If I Ever Wear a Shirt, I’ll Be Killed

OPINION: If I Ever Wear a Shirt, I’ll Be Killed

February 19, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Peter O'Calendar-Bays

By Peter O’Calendar-Bays

OUTSTANDING, MODERN OPINIONS

 

If I ever wear a shirt, I’ll be killed.

That’s why you don’t see me in one. Arm prisons. Chest prisons. They’ll kill you. Why would you want that? If I had to wear a shirt everyday like the rest of you rubes, I’d cut my own throat. That’s why I’ve organized it so I don’t have to wear one. Hell, I don’t even own one anymore. Know what’s in my bureau? Just leaves. Piles of leaves. That’s all.

Also, I will actually be killed if I wear one. Somebody will kill me. Rub me out like a pair of old shoes disappearing into a charity bin. That’d be the end of it. I know that now.

That’s why I stand in front of my house. I don’t stand there all the time but I do stand there a lot. With no shirt on, of course. Just a pair of khaki shorts. I do have a bureau drawer dedicated to khaki shorts.

Who wouldn’t?

The opinions of Peter O’Calendar Bays are not necessarily the opinions of The Lankville Daily News or any of its subsidiaries.

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