Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Bumpkin Vanishes Here: May Be Victim of Kidnappers

Bumpkin Vanishes Here: May Be Victim of Kidnappers

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk


CAPITAL CITY, LANKVILLE, June 10– Jackie Keys, a bumpkin, 63 years old, and successful owner of Keys’ Newspaper and Beer Hut in Northern Lankville, has been missing since Monday afternoon, when he checked out of the El Patio Motel here and left no word of his plans.

Lankville police and The Lankville Bureau of Probes have been searching hospitals, hotels, bus stations, and highway median strips for the missing man. Because he is a wealthier bumpkin, it is feared by some that he may have been kidnapped.

“It is very easy to lure a bumpkin,” noted Detective Houston Gee-Temple, who is spearheading the search. “The bumpkin believes any and all promises, particularly if little objects that light up are proffered. They can also be susceptible to things that appear to be rather ordinary but then are revealed to have a second unexpected feature such as, say, a pencil that also has a clock in it.”

Mysterious Phone Call

A mysterious phone call to the Bureau of Probes last night by a person in the Southern Desert Area who represented himself as a bumpkin relative of Keys, has further complicated the case.

“We are inclined to view that phone call as a ruse,” said Gee-Temple, who was interviewed while staring at a pencil that also had a clock in it. “It may have been the kidnappers, attempting to establish communication with the bumpkin Keys’ family with a view to ransom. Unfortunately, they hung up before we could ascertain anything further.”

Bumpkin relatives have been notified and are attempting to take part in the search.

Pays Bill and Leaves

Last known image of Keys is this secret hidden surveillance photo from his room at the El Patio Motel.

Last known image of Keys is this secret hidden surveillance photo from his room at the El Patio Motel.

Employees of the El Patio Motel were quizzed last night as part of the investigation. Nothing unusual was reported.

“He paid his bill and then he left,” said the counterman, who asked not to be identified. “He left the room in alright condition, although the teevee never has worked well since.”

When he left the El Patio Motel, Mr. Keys was described as wearing a “loud outfit of shorts and a sleeveless jersey”. He carried no luggage but had some clothes stuffed into a plastic grocery bag.

Gee-Temple believes it may be possible that Keys is wandering about the city.

“Bumpkins tend to get confused by a lot of buildings. Sometimes, it can be problematic for them to find their way out,” the intrepid lawman noted.

The search continues today.

  1. oversion
    June 10, 2015 at 10:40 pm

    I saw some buildings in the city once.
    Didn’t have a clue where I was a minute later.
    Wandered an hour. Then this white truck pulled up
    with the phrase Dog Catcher on its side.

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