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Meet the Reporters of The Lankville Daily News

By Rafael Kettlebells

By Rafael Kettlebells

Rafael Kettlebells joined The Lankville Daily News in 2014.

I wasn’t really much of a writer in college. I tried to cram as many pie graphs into my papers as possible. Just tons and tons of pie graphs. A professor finally said, “there is no text here, just pie graphs. I’m going to have to give you an F”. That meant I lost my $500 scholarship from the ice cream place.

I went back to my room and literally taught myself, day by day, how to write. I got some books, watched some videos, talked to some people down at the gymnasium. And one day it kind of came together for me.

I put on a loud shirt, some pants that were pretty oversized in the crotch, and a sports hat and then I went down to the Lankville Daily News offices and demanded an appointment with [editor] Marles Cundiff. He was busy for days it seemed but I was persistent. I must have read every magazine in that waiting room about five times. Finally, he saw me.

“Why should I give you a job?”

“Look at me,” I said. “Look at me.”

He did. I could see he was coming around.

“I think I’m beginning to realize what you’re getting at,” he said. “I can put you on obits and editing the missed connections. Christ’s dung, some of them are awful. Written by real deadbeats. Probably some old hippo lounging around an attic.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant but I stayed confident.

“You put me on that,” I said, “and you’ll have the best obit and missed connection pages in the business.”

He leaned back in his chair. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” he asked.

“Do you know a place where they serve hot bread and chips and salsa?” I asked.

He was bothered by that. “Man, that would be…” He stopped and had to wipe his forehead with a towel.

Everything has gone well since.

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