Schropp Book Filth Says Local Activist
Buck Igloos
LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!
Some people don’t like Brian Schropp’s new bestseller Breakfast Sandwich Boy and they’re making their voices heard.
Self-proclaimed “morality activist” Amanda Jennifers says that the book is “filth” and should be banned from stores.
“The book contains bad language, sexual congress, bumpkins and pizza– all the things we are trying to teach our children to avoid,” said Jennifers, who gave a short speech before a small lectern this afternoon. “All of these things are decaying the moral threads of Lankville.”
“Kids are buying this filth, passing it around in locker rooms and by wooded areas and are becoming converted to this freewheeling pizza lifestyle,” Jennifers added.
Lankville University Press, Schropp’s publisher, issued a short statement.
Schropp’s new book causing a rumpus.
Breakfast Sandwich Boy is an honest depiction of an alternative lifestyle. We have no intention of censoring it.
The author, interviewed during a break from his shift at the Pizza A-Round, said he was saddened that some people were offended.
“I write from the heart, from a good place inside the heart, a place of brightness. I am lusciously sorry that anyone was offended,” said Schropp.
The 266-page collection, culled from stories originally published in The Lankville Daily News became a bestseller in its first week.
“It’s been on our “staff picks” shelf the whole time,” said Larry Pendleton’s Double Book Hut employee Larry Klacik, who was intoxicated. “Everyone always looks forward to a new book from Brian.”
Jennifers says she will take her argument all the way to President Pondicherry if necessary.
“This is a new moral movement in Lankville. We will prevail.”
LANKVILLE DAILY NEWS: IN BOOK FORM!
The book is gone. It will never return. We hear stories but they are likely false. We live in the woods now. We make fire with a lighter that we found in the street. It was crushed by a truck but, somehow, perhaps through some intervention that is beyond us, it still works. We are waiting. We are waiting.
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GREBOV BROTHERS TELESCOPE COMPANY
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The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).
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