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Otis Nixon: 1955-1989

November 3, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

Obits

By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler

ERRATA

Infamous Lankville lurker and Daily News columnist Otis Nixon did not die in 2014 as previously reported but actually died in 1989, sources are now confirming.

The News regrets the error.

Nixon was allegedly walking through a field wearing a fake beard. Witnesses state that he tripped on the beard and broke his neck. His body was then blown into the forest and destroyed. Later reports indicated that Nixon was blown into the forest and destroyed a year prior in 2014. No beard was involved.

Otis Nixon died in 1989.

Otis Nixon died in 1989.

However, an analysis of Lankville death certificates now indicates that Nixon died in 1989.

Otho Ump, who penned the false obituaries, had been placed on administrative leave. He was found guilty yesterday of spreading false information and sentenced to 65 years in prison.

“Justice is served,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was the first to arrive to the trial.

Editor-in-Chief Marles Cundiff issued an apology to Nixon’s family.

“He [Ump] really looked like a reporter with those suspenders and cigar. I admit, I was completely fooled.”

The cause of Nixon’s death is a matter of speculation although several family members indicated that he, “was deeply affected by certain Eastern Lankville philosophies, grew progressively more insane, began practicing magic on stones in his backyard and finally wandered off into the mountains.” His body was never found.

Bernie Keebler has been placed in charge of obituaries.

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