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Gump Penetrates

February 2, 2016 Leave a comment Go to comments
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Gump Tibbs

It’s time for another penetrating interview with Gump Tibbs. Today, Gump interviews UFOlogist Brian Schropp (not to be confused with Lankville Daily News cuisine writer Brian Schropp).

GT:  So, for awhile, everybody thought that you were the guy that wrote those delightful articles about food. You’re not?

BS: (deep sighing for 45 seconds): Anybody who is remotely familiar with Dr. Stephen Altbright’s seventeen volume series ‘History Of The Schropp’s In Modern Day Lankville’ knows there are two distinct yet totally separate Schropp bloodlines. That other Brian Schropp belongs to the lesser more primitive bloodline which messed around with all those Hill People. I can assure you Mr. Tibbs, I am in no way connected with that so-called cuisine writer. And quite frankly I’m getting sick and tired of strangers coming up to me asking for my opinion on which pizza pouch would best suit their needs. I AM NOT THAT WRETCHED LOATHSOME MAN!!

GT:  You look a little like him.

BS: Please do not insult me any further.

GT:  What a delight! Do you like food?

BS: In the respect that everyone needs food to survive, then yes. You might say I have what is called a  ‘delicate stomach’ so most foods, even with just a hint of spice, will give me a major case of ‘the runs’. Most of what I eat is very bland and pasty.
GT:  Do you prefer flying saucers over food?

Brian Schropp 2

The other Brian Schropp

BS:  What a silly question! Yes, of course. Food is just a boring constant in our lives. But UFOs, especially on the topic of how gravity relates to them, is so endlessly fascinating. I was a little shocked to find that I was the first to write about this subject matter.

GT:  Really fabulous. What is space?

BS: Depends on what you mean by ‘space’. There is the space around us, here in this room. Space between the atoms of each thing in this room, including us. Then you have the space above us which surrounds the room and atoms. So you might ask yourself, ‘How does a flying saucer factor into all these spaces?’ I don’t mind telling you if you’re curious.

GT:  Just super. What is gravity?

BS: Depends on what you exactly mean by ‘gravity’. You see, you have the gravity which is holding us down here in our seats. We also have the gravity which holds not only our planet but other mighty celestial things in the cosmos in place, almost like a super dark matter gravity. Now you might ask yourself, ‘How does a flying saucer factor into these different types of gravities?’ I don’t mind telling you if you’re curious.

GT:  A lot of people are seeing flying saucers lately. Why?

BS: Well that really depends on what is meant by ‘seeing’. What does the human eye really see? Can our eyes really see the true reality of things, like gravity for instance? Then you need to ask yourself, ‘How does a flying saucer factor into us not seeing the things around us?’ I really don’t mind explaining any of this if you’re curious.

GT:  Just remarkable. Do you think aliens have guns?

BS: Oh hell yes! Big huge laser monstrosities which can rip a man’s soul apart. If you have any guns maybe we can pretend to be aliens and then maybe pretend or not so pretend to kill some people.

GT:  I have some guns.

(There was a pause and then Tibbs and Schropp ran off with each other).

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