Home > Opinions > OPINION: Our Diet Candy Ain’t No Fuck Around Shit

OPINION: Our Diet Candy Ain’t No Fuck Around Shit

February 24, 2016 Leave a comment Go to comments
Grocer

By Joe Tipps

Here at Tipps Supermarkets, we just started carrying diet candy.

And let me tell you something, our diet candy ain’t no fuck around shit.

You might have tried that diet candy bullshit they got over at Barlow Foods. Comes in those big barrels? You ever see someone scooping candy out of a barrel? Makes you look like a grade A asshole, I’ll go right out on a limb and assert that fucking shit right now.

That Barlow Foods Candy– you know what it says to me? It says, “hey, we’re just assing around here. We don’t give no god damn shit about your dietetic needs.” But that ain’t what you’re gonna’ get here at Tipps. You’re gonna’ get diet candy that pile drives you right in the taste buds. A god damn feast of diet candy.

So, if you’re just some kinda’ shithead, sure– keep going to get your diet candy at Barlow’s. Otherwise, take a step up to the plate and come on over to Tipps, motherfucker.

The opinions of Joe Tipps are not necessarily the opinions of The Lankville Daily News or any of its subsidiaries.

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  1. oversion
    February 26, 2016 at 11:42 pm

    Diet candy should never be fuck around shit

    watch what you eat

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