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Collector’s Corner with Bobby Pinewood

February 1, 2016 Leave a comment
Bobby Pinewood

Bobby Pinewood

For many years, the old-fashioned “record album” had been passed over on the Lankville music market by such technical innovations as the “compact disc”, “the cassette tape” and the “spinning tune globe”. But now, vinyl is enjoying a sort of renaissance, thanks to a series of new mall stores popping up around Lankville and the tenacity of a few dedicated purists. Today, on “Collector’s Corner with Bobby Pinewood”, we’re going to have a look at one of Lankville’s most prized records.

The famous picture sleeve of the Sta-cee 45.

The famous picture sleeve of the Sta-cee 45.

Any discussion of rare records, of course, must begin with Sta-cee’s exceedingly scarce 1973 “45 RPM” single– “Dollar Bill Ring” b/w “Gotta Tree”. Released by the small Hitsville label out of the Central Lankville Showy Suburban Area, the record was directly responsible for a series of riots and counter-revolutionary tank salvos and was recalled almost immediately. “Only about 40 or 50 copies leaked out,” said noted “record” collector Bill Stynes, who has also written a manuscript on the incident which was later used to prop up the short leg of a chair. “Sta-cee was so mortified by the destructive effect of her music that she lapsed into a state of complete seclusion, emerging only occasionally for pens or snacks.”

Of the 47 known copies, only 21 are rated “Near Mint”. And of these, only 12 include the original picture sleeve with the now-famous suggestive photo of the lovely Sta-cee. “My Lord, it’s a great picture sleeve,” said “record” collector and Lankville Daily News correspondent Brock Belvedere, Jr. “Such nice lighting. Nice framing. I…I really like it a lot.”

“The ol’ jogging partners are really emphasized,” agreed Stynes, who suddenly placed a blanket over his lap.

What of the Hitsville label? We caught up with founder and former producer Mickey Olive at a recent “record” show.

A look at the label.

A look at the label.

“We were mortified by the public’s reaction of course,” Oliver, now 72, averred. “It was just a bouncy little tune with a lot of little funny trumpet sounds and inane lyrics. There was nothing to indicate it would set off a riot and then provoke the kind of reaction from the Lankville government at the time. They completely leveled a bunch of buildings and record stores and even drove their tanks into the woods and just started firing senselessly in there. To this day, I really have no idea what it was all about.”

“Music can be a sort of revolutionary expression,” said Northern Lankville Easier University professor John Patreenus-Binders. “The Sta-cee Incident, as it’s now known, was one of those moments.”

Whatever the reason, the 45 remains relevant. Just last year, a Mint copy in picture sleeve was auctioned. The price? A whopping $550 million (and a deed to a mall).

“No question, the price will continue to go up,” said Stynes. “There’s no reason it won’t.”

Collector’s Corner with Bobby Pinewood

November 23, 2015 Leave a comment
Dennis Clean-System

Bobby Pinewood

Today, we’re going to be looking at the 1984 Lankville Baseball League cards manufactured by Barlow Foods.

“The cards were given away as special promotions at participating Barlow Foods locations,” dealer Barri Trotz explained. “For example, let’s say you bought a big bag of carrots. Well, you’d put the carrots on the checkout counter conveyor belt. Of course, the belt would get kind of moist because bags of carrots tend to be moist. This moistness would continue to increase as the bag inched closer to the register. A creeping sort of moist horror would form, thereby….”

We interrupted Trotz and asked him to focus on the cards.

“The counter person was required to distribute a card to each customer,” Trotz continued. “There were 895 cards in the set, so you can imagine how difficult it would be to acquire all of them. Also, counter people tend to be dirty, careless hill women and so the cards would become creased and bent and generally defiled. It’s very hard, near-impossible to locate a mint set.”

Trotz showed us his prized possession– a mint set.

“Have a look at the Zach Sequence card, number 437 (pictured). You’ll remember that Lankville suffered a terrible wild burr infestation in 1983. A burr is clearly visible over the left field fence– one of the biggest I’ve ever seen photographed. The Sequence card is particularly valuable for this reason.”

“People think of baseball cards as detritus but they can be cultural artifacts as well,” Trotz averred.

Card number 682 (Outlands pitcher Otho Lud) remains the most elusive of the set.

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The Sequence and Lud cards from the 1984 set.

“He was a mediocre relief pitcher but also a cannibal,” Trotz noted. “The card was recalled but a few managed to leak out. A mint Lud will set you back about $675,000.”

“Most poor people are unable to complete their sets because of Lud and his cannibalism,” the collector noted.

The set features a simple design utilizing a pennant and no border on the obverse. The reverse features detailed statistics, a second, more relaxed photo of the player (they are often shown shirtless or in bed with their wives), and a short biography.

Trotz claims that only four known sets have achieved a “Professional Sports Card Titan” rating of 10.

“We’re usually seeing in the 3-4 range on most sets,” said Trotz, who is himself a Professional Sports Card Titan.

“No question, it’s a beautiful shimmering jewel in the collector’s cosmos.”