Posts Tagged ‘People’

PEOPLE OF LANKVILLE: The Ferry Crashed Into Another Ferry and That Was the End of That

June 5, 2017 Leave a comment

Bob Sheds

LDN: What is your name and what do you do?

BS: By name is Bob Sheds.

LDN: …and what do you do?

BS: I’m unemployed.

LDN: What did you do?

BS: Ferry boat captain on the Great Southern Puddly River. One of my passengers had some interesting laser discs. He said, “hey, you want to watch these laser discs?” and I said, “sure, I’d like to watch those laser discs” and he said, “well, do you have a laser disc player” and I said, “I sure do have a laser disc player, it’s below deck.” Well, the next thing you know, we’re below deck and we’re watching the laser discs, we end up with our pants off and the ferry crashed into another ferry and that was the end of that.

LDN:  Did anyone die?

BS:  Oh yeah. Oh yeah, they died.

LDN: Are you married?

BS: In my early twenties I was married to a girl named Tammy. It was kind of just for show. Her family and my family- we grew up on the same street and I think everybody had this fantasy about us being childhood sweethearts or some shit. Anyway, she ended up going with some other guy. I think he sells tires or something. I ain’t had much interest since.

LDN: What’s a typical day in Lankville like for Bob Sheds?

BS: Who?

LDN: For Bob Sheds.

BS: You confused me. No idea why you had to say it like that. You coulda’ just said, “what’s a typical day in Lankville like for you.”  What, you need to sound fancy for the paper or something?

LDN: What’s a typical day like for you?

BS: I don’t know– wake up about 10. After that, it’s wide open.

LDN: Finally, tell us your thoughts on a particular issue.

BS: Well, I do think something needs to be done about these postcards I keep getting from this guy Brock Belvedere, Jr. I mean, sure, I used to know him. But he sends me blank postcards, sometimes three or four a day. When I called him up, I said, “why you sending me all these god damn postcards, Brock?” and he said, “Because I can Bob.” That was that.

LDN: We’ll look into it.

The interview was ended.

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