Home > 2012-13 Season > Satellite-Robot Team May Have Located 17s Owner “Nick”

Satellite-Robot Team May Have Located 17s Owner “Nick”

By Nient Boffo
Senior Staff Writer

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A complex satellite-robot team may have located 17s owner and GM “Nick”, sources are reporting.

“The news has ruined my day,” said a spokesman from Goddards Famous Astronaut House in Lankville Capitol City. “We sent that ship [The Shuttle for Cock] out with absolutely no expectations of it coming up with anything and here we go, that shit can satellite-robot team actually finds him. We’ll just hope that the news isn’t true.”

Nick, who is oft-suspected of lying about his space exploits, disappeared shortly before his club claimed the Pondicherry Golden Platter for winning the league’s championship.

Details are murky on what the satellite-robot team has located. “I would suspect that the satellite picked up some sort of human electrical impulses,” said a supposed “expert”, located in a hovel of an office at a nearby university. “The impulses are particularly strong in the fat, so I suspect that a fat person is with him. When the satellite found these impulses, it launched the robot onto the surface of whatever planet was nearest. Only time will tell what the robot will come up with.”

The professor became suddenly transfixed by two giant orbs that were dangling above his desk. “It’s like the simplest human relationship between man and orb,” he said senselessly. This reporter knew it was time to leave.

“Nick” issued a brief, confusing dispatch two weeks ago– the only communication from the mendacious cosmonaut since May.

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