Home > 2012-13 Season, Ordeal of a Cosmonaut > The Ordeal of a Cosmonaut by “Nick”

The Ordeal of a Cosmonaut by “Nick”

A shit serial by a shit spaceman.

The takeoff nearly does not happen.

For a moment, the engine sputters and the craft suddenly lurches forward, perilously close to the butte’s edge. I attempt to reverse direction back to center but receive another obscure error message on the dash. I have no time to consult the manual.

And now, port side, I see that Dr. Ernwhitts and the Being have reached the surface. Sweat is now dripping into my eyes and my spaces-helmet is fogging up. And just at the moment that Dr. Ernwhitts has knelt to fire his annihilating ray, the craft suddenly blasts forward. For a moment, I lose altitude and tear through one of the mysterious trees with the low-hanging branch balls but then, just as suddenly, I begin to climb. My meter readings are surprisingly excellent. The Thorpe-Tube Pressure Flowmeter* reads a perfect 8.2.

Before long, I have left the orbit of my orange planet. I look back one final time and then concentrate on the gorgeous cosmic tableau before me. This strange new galaxy should be of keen interest back home if I am fortunate to reach Earth. I try the spaces-radio and telescreen. Nothing.

And then suddenly the craft is thrown forward by a colossal blast. Orange gases and unidentifiable matter fly past me. And looking back, I see that the orange planet has imploded. I am mesmerized as I watch it collapse upon itself. But only for a moment.

For if I am to dodge the debris of this violent compression, it will take all of my skill and concentration.

* Editor’s note: completely made-up donkey shit.

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: