Home > Lankville Society Scoop > SOCIAL HAPPENINGS: “Inner Hammer” and Aunt Pam Now Engaged

SOCIAL HAPPENINGS: “Inner Hammer” and Aunt Pam Now Engaged

BY IDA RUMPUS The Lankville Society Scoop

File photo

The engagement is announced of professional hockey owner “Inner Hammer” and Aunt Pam. The wedding is to take place in the near future.

The happy couple, who were introduced to each other in a weedy field, are arranging for a honeymoon in the Teets Island Chain.

“Aunt Pam makes me hard. Rock hard,” said the perspicacious bridegroom. “She won’t do anything besides a little necking on her craft-heavy back porch so I gotta get married so I can just go to town on that. It’s gonna’ happen folks. You put that in the society pages, baby.”

“Inner Hammer” then gently touched this reporter’s cheek. “Anyone ever tell you that you have the skin of a bunch of milky white glass beads made to cascade over a series of flat mossy rocks?” he asked.

Aunt Pam, a homemaker, expressed deep contentment at the arrangement.

“I was married before, to Uncle Glenn but he ended up hanging himself in the attic. It was strange too because he put a large panel across the stairwell so we didn’t know about it for months. A fumigator finally discovered the hidden door and was hit by a blast of the odor of death.”

“We didn’t even have to cut him down,” Aunt Pam added. “He’d been hanging there for so long that his body just got ripped from the head. It was just a head hanging there.”

Further details on the proposed upcoming will be forthcoming.

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