Home > 2012-13 Season > Pizzas, 24-Piece Men Complete Swap

Pizzas, 24-Piece Men Complete Swap

January 22, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Gump Tibbs
Senior Staff Writer
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The Small Pizzas and 24-Piece Men completed a trade early this afternoon which saw forward Phil Kessel going to the Pizzas in exchange for forward Jeff Skinner. The players are expected to join their new clubs tomorrow.

“Yeah, happy to get Kussell [sic],” said Pizzas GM “Inner Hammer” who was gyrating lewdly above a mass of fetid undergarments. “More importantly can you even begin to fathom the conceptual elements I’ve laid out here? Jesus H. Christ on the cross, this is a construct that you’ll never forget,” the executive added breathlessly before ordering reporters out of the room.

24-Piece Men GM Chris Vitiello expressed contentment with the deal.

“I’ve made no secret of my deep scorn towards Mr. Kessel,” said Vitiello, who was interviewed while examining an industrial push sweeper at a nearby Home Dump. “I am repulsed by him. I told him not to get too comfortable because it was my intent to trade him immediately. He is a contemptible drone.”

Vitiello suddenly grabbed a Home Dump employee and asked, “Will this sweeper get chips up?” The employee began a long explanation and it was felt we should take our leave.

The trade is expected to be ratified by commissioner Pondicherry within the hour.

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