Home > 2012-13 Season > Lankville Theme Camp Opens to Massive Disapproval

Lankville Theme Camp Opens to Massive Disapproval

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
File photo

“The Camp of the Mordant and Unexpected”, which opened yesterday in the Eastern Lankville Wooded Area Region, has been met with wide disapproval, according to sources.


“It’s hell,” said a camper who refused to be identified.  “There are woods killers everywhere.  They just come out of the woods and kill people.  They need to figure out how to address that issue, otherwise, I think they’ll have trouble attracting more campers.”

Camp officials dismissed the complaints as growing pains.

“It’ll be alright,” said instructor Glennx Roberts.  “We learned some things yesterday and we will apply our knowledge to the future and go into the next round with a better idea of beginnings and endings.  We have some very nice facilities here.  It’ll be alright.”

Roberts was suddenly revealed to be one of the killers.  He was taken away.

“Definitely a mess here,” noted Detective Gee-Temple who responded to the scene.  “Looks like they came out of the woods and into the camp.  Then, they killed people.  Then, they went back into the woods.  That’s what I’ve got in my notes.”  Gee-Temple held up his notes to verify his statement.

“We’ll be taking some grass samples, some mud and maybe some of the giant assegai’s that were left lying around,” added the intrepid detective.  “We need to make the camp safe for camping.  That’s our main goal.”

The camp will be closed for at least a week.  Commissioner Pondicherry has yet to issue a statement.

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