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Lingus Nets Weekly by Captain Brian Stilts

By Captain Brian Stilts
Lingus Nets Correspondent
Photo on 2011-07-05 at 15.41 #2
File Photo

This week’s exciting Lingus Nets action takes us to the Chambers Company Hand Drill Arena in Eastern Lankville where a capacity crowd of 17,841 witnessed champion Gus Castles defeat Dykstra Hazzard 182-165 in a closely contested match.

“[Dykstra] had actually gotten ahead of me a little bit– he had deposited a great number of his Lingus sacks but I noticed that he was short on putting away some of his nets,” commented Castles who was awarded prize money, food and some hand drills for his victory.  “I took that opportunity to fill in some of the decoy holes I had established and rolled two of the smaller size Lingus Balls into the Lingus Hut.  By then it was over.”

“He’s a tough opponent,” noted Hazzard, who fell to 18-5 after the loss.  “He’s [sic] has colossal energy out there [on the Lingus Nets court] and it’s hard to match that diabolical, almost satanic level of defense.  Yet, his probity is beyond reproach.  It’s a conundrum.”

Hazzard later committed suicide.

Then, we entered the dark times.  For an hour after the match, there was a state of lawlessness.  No illumination was to be found in the street and cars were overturned and businesses burned.  Madmen stalked the streets with shotguns attempting to install their own ruthless, bastard forms of order. “It was a great soiling,” noted Lingus Nets scholar and observer Dr. Gleaves Shutts.  “Civilization simply broke down.”

The dark times ended about 10PM.

The next exciting Lingus Nets contest will take us to the Lankville Desert Region where Castles (25-3) will defend his regional title against young upstart Denteen Crespo (16-1).


EDITOR’S NOTE: Brian Stilts is not a real captain.

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