Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer: “I’ve Been Crying in the Van”

Royer: “I’ve Been Crying in the Van”

By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
File photo

Incarcerated executive and businessman Ric Royer stated yesterday that he has been frequently crying in his new van.

“It came upon me suddenly,” noted Royer, who was interviewed beside the van at the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness.  “It was a stark, unforeseen realization of a terrible loss and it hit me with ungodly, elephantine force.  I have been putting the back seats down and just crying and crying.”

Royer would not elaborate on the nature of the loss.

“That’s just between me and those back seats,” he noted.

When asked if the loss had something to do with his incarceration, Royer demurred.

“Absolutely not.  These lumpen patients, these lumpens– they have no effect on me.  This is a much greater, spiritual sort of loss.  When you believe that you have found a certain quantity of love in the cosmos…you…and…”

Royer suddenly became distracted by the arrival of a pizza delivery truck.  He wandered towards it and the interview was ended prematurely.

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