From the Bench of Judge Socquettes

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From the Bench of Judge Socquettes

September 10, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Judge Socquettes
South Lankville District Courts (Large)

File Photo

I purchased a large radio that fits over the chest—sort of like a reverse backpack. It’s an ingenious device and it comes in handy at Pondicherry Association games. You can follow the action while listening to the commentary. There is a little microphone and a tape machine and I occasionally record my thoughts. I buy a box of standard-form hamburgers and allow them to defrost in a parcel that looks like clothes, thereby giving the impression that the burgers are wearing an outfit! By the second period, they are done.

The Pondicherry Association began play in 2011 [1] and has grown enormously. Press coverage was initially scant; now it is voluminous. What you have on the tube-computer in front of you is a collection of little elephant babes—the grandest beasts of the journalistic jungle. Savor them as you would savor a sudden shed fire or the epiphany one has when one realizes the answer to a word jumble. You’ve been hunched over the jumble for hours. You are sweating and feverish. And then the word suddenly comes to you. It is “FNORDS”. You fill in the blanks with a pencil and sit back, unconditionally pleased with yourself.

I follow all the teams in the Pondicherry Association. I do not discriminate. I attend as many games as possible. Sometimes, I do not listen to the trials at all and make sudden, uninformed decisions after all the talking. Undoubtedly, I have been wrong many times. But being wrong and gentle is better than not being wrong at all [2]. That’s what I’ve learned in 70 years of having a judge job.

Spring is in the air tonight. All I can think about is snapping on that big chest radio and tugging on the antenna. You should see this thing. It’s a masterpiece of engineering. I have them for sale for $49.95 [3].

[1] The league initially featured five clubs.

[2] Also the title of Judge Socquettes’ unpublished autobiography.

[3] Send $49.95 (postpaid) to: Judge Socquettes: Eastern Lankville Courts House, Lankville, 56402. Delivered in 4-6 weeks but sometimes never.

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