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Royer to Open Series of Automats

November 27, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Grady Kitchens
Senior Staff Writer
File photo

Incarcerated executive Ric Royer (who elected to use his given name for this story) announced today that he will be opening a series of automats, many of which will appear at Memorial Yea! Keepsake Auditorium and other sports venues throughout Lankville.  The automats are on target to be open by 2014.

Royer, who appeared in front of one of the automats still under construction, was seen laughing and jostling with reporters and fans and engaging in generalized horseplay.

“The mechanism of the automat is of great interest to me,” Royer later explained as a series of ominous storm clouds entered the area, presaging an epoch of great destruction, death, famine and possible cannibalism.  “But the tempting array of foods holds an even greater fascination.”

“When you look at the slabs of pie behind the glass,” Royer continued, “you will be instantly deceived.  The slab of pie is not as big as it looks.  You see a very large piece of pie.  You put in your money, open the receptacle and remove an extremely small piece of pie.  You will be vastly disappointed.  But by then, I will already have your money.  I will have already deceived you.”

“Also, the pies are really, really, really terrible,” Royer added.

When asked if the eccentric executive had revealed too much about his scheme, Royer appeared confused and stared towards the sky, lost in thought.

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