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Synchronized Patriotic Pinwheel Display Ends in Tragedy

February 5, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Hugh G. Pickens
Lankville Action News YES! Team
Crime Beat Reporter

File Photo

File Photo

A synchronized patriotic pinwheel display accompanied by the release of red, white and orange pigeons ended in tragedy for one Lankville man, sources are confirming.

The event, which was held at the East Island Fairgrounds and Carnival Tent Yard, was part of the celebration of the anniversary of the birth of Pirrapods the Great and was held in front of a darkened, muddy field.

Pinwheels are fun and attractive but meant DEATH for one Lankville area man.

Pinwheels are fun and attractive but meant DEATH for one Lankville area man.

“In the middle of the display, this obese local man, who we have not yet identified, simply fell over silently in his lawn chair and died,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was the first to respond to the scene.  “Because the fireworks had already begun, no one noticed his death,” the intrepid Gee-Temple added.

“He lay there so long , they were kicking him in the head by accident,” said event sponsor Ric Royer, who proudly noted that he has attended every pinwheel display in Lankville for the past 15 years.  “Then a wandering hog came up and just ate the shirt clean off his back.  Later on they buried him right where he lay.  They just sprinkled some sawdust over the grave, which, because of the intense rain, turned immediately into a giant puddle at which point the corpse just bobbed right up out of the ground and floated downhill where it came to rest in the parking lot of that buffet down there that also sells hats,” said Royer, who stared at this interviewer unblinkingly for nearly a minute before taking his leave.

Investigators are expected to work lightly on the case today.

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