Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Royer Hospitalized After Zoo Incident

Royer Hospitalized After Zoo Incident

By Linwood Probert

By Linwood Probert

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

 

Lankville business magnate Ric Royer is in stable condition after an early-morning zoo incident in Eastern Lankville.

Royer was granted a "zoo-release" day from the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness.

Royer was granted a “zoo-release” day from the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness.

The incident occurred at Buntz Mallows Discount Zoo and involved a trash receptacle shaped like a lion’s head.

“It’s a lion’s head with a circular shaped mouth, operating on heavy suction if you can imagine,” said Zookeeper Fergie Pounder. “Kiddies take their trash, hold it near the mouth and the lion sucks it straight in. All the kids just love it.”

Pounder admitted that the device is more popular than the animals. “Our animals are really boring,” he noted.

Pounder went on to describe the incident.

“Well, this fellow [Royer] was just staring at this thing. It went on for about seven hours [the zoo opens at 2AM]. He never put any trash in, just stared at it, drawing slowly closer and closer with each passing hour. A certain darkness seemed to descend directly over that area, it became particularly windy, there was a mysterious howl. Then, after all that time, he stuck his whole arm in the device. The suction drew him into the machine and he banged his head against the cement lion part and was rendered unconscious.”

“The head will be removed immediately,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who had been observing Royer for several hours before the incident. “It’s very dangerous when you stick your whole arm into it.”

Royer was treated for a concussion and is expected to be released this afternoon.  He had been granted a “zoo-release” day from the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness, where he is expected to be returned.

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