A Personal Message from M. Goberman: Special Agent
By M. Goberman: Special Agent
M. Goberman: Special Agent is an “independent contractor” who is currently in the employ of the Lankville Bureau of Probes. He lives in the Eastern Lankville hinterlands.
Two evenings ago, a small radio satellite receiver fell from the sky in Southern Lankville. Although the Lankville Bureau of Probes immediately cordoned off a four-mile square area where the satellite was believed to have landed, they were unable to locate the device.
The device is of no interest to the average Lankvillian, who would be hopeless in his attempts to decipher its complex code. Therefore, the Lankville government is offering a handsome reward for its timely return. The Lankville government did something else.
They hired M. Goberman: Special Agent.
A 9AM meeting was scheduled. I arrived at the Presidential palace six hours early. Nine security personnel were annihilated as I made my way to the Presidential bedroom. I squatted in the darkness and watched the old man sleep. He awoke with a start around five. I darted out of the shadows to face him.
“You know who I am?”
He screamed. “It can’t be…how did you get in here?”
“You know who I am?” I repeated. “There will be no 9AM meeting. Give me my instructions now.”
Eventually, a manilla envelope marked “TOP SECRET” was handed over.
Photo of the satellite receiver lost two nights ago.
“You have given me the power to handle this?” I asked the old man.
“Well…we may have some stipulations…”
I threw a chair across the room.
“It’s bad enough that you called me, old man.” I was losing patience. “Now, I ask one more time. You have given me the power to handle this?”
He nodded.
And so I say once again. If you have found this device, take it immediately to your nearest Bureau of Probes Field Office. The reward will buy you a handsome automobile, an island vacation, perhaps a new lounge suite. If you have found this device, you have 24 hours to do so. If you have found this device and you have elected NOT to hand it over, then let me tell you what will happen.
You will be tracked. You will be found. And you will be annihilated.
By M. Goberman: Special Agent.
Although I live in the distant Eastern hinterlands, I am a mere hour from any target in Lankville. How is this possible? you might ask. I cannot tell you. But know that it is real. Know that it will happen. If you doubt me, I invite you to take a good, hard look at the photograph that will accompany this article. Does that look like the face of a man who makes idle threats? Who “jokes around?” Who engages in “aimless mirth?” Consider that carefully.
God willing, all this will be settled without further incident and I will return to the Eastern Lankville hinterlands. If not, then Lankville should expect a visit.
A visit from M. Goberman.
Special agent.
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The Lankville Daily News 
The satellite was returned 15 minutes after the posting of M. Goberman: Special Agent’s article. The Lankville Bureau of Probes now considers the matter closed.