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Royer Purchases Van

November 29, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Dick Oakes, Jr.

By Dick Oakes, Jr.


Incarcerated Lankville business magnate Ric Royer has purchased a van, sources are now reporting.

“It’s from 1999,” stated the executive, who was interviewed in the game room of the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness. “It has seats. Some of the seats fold downward so that one might imagine a bed. There is a TV set. It’s glorious.”

Royer then paused to thrust forward a Lingus Net sack. He was repelled by a fellow inmate.

“He is a skilled opponent. The best I’ve faced thus far,” noted the executive.

Royer then produced several photos of his new acquisition.

Royer's new van that everyone talking.

Royer’s new van that has everyone talking.

“You’ll note that the TV set plays films. The blue and white colors of the exterior are bold but rational. There are little spaces where you can put your legs. There is a plastic box where diverse items can be deposited. They thought of everything, really.”

Royer deflected questions about the van’s reliability.

“I specifically instructed my handlers not to open the hood. I don’t want to know anything at all about the hood. And I don’t want anyone else to know.”

The executive suddenly wandered off and the interview was ended prematurely.

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