Home > Remonstrations of Fingers Rolly > I Ain’t Buying No Ugly Fucking Plush Snowman

I Ain’t Buying No Ugly Fucking Plush Snowman

December 18, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Fingers Rolly

By Fingers Rolly

I had been screaming and cussing at the desert, that relentless brown cracked whore, for about four straight hours and firing shotgun shells off into the distance at nothing and so I figured I better go into town and see about a gift for my grand-niece for fucking Christmas.

I don’t have any idea how I got there. Next thing I know, my truck is up on a curb and the god damn toy store is in front of me. I went in and wandered around for awhile. Fucking zoo, it was. I finally found some little pasty faggot wearing a red vest. I said, “Here– where is that snowman everybody’s been talking about?” He led me over to a low shelf. Must have been about ten of them down there.

Course, I couldn’t bend down to reach them. So, I stood in the aisle and made an angry, low buzzing noise for about fifteen minutes just thinking about that jerk-off desert, that broken brown asshole. When I came to, I called the pasty little pixie over again. “Bring one of them up here so I can look at it, would you?” I wasn’t happy about it none but the little queer didn’t catch on.

Lord Christ as my witness, you wouldn’t believe this thing. Huge and plush, ugly as sin, big fucking carrot nose. $39.99. “Are you assing around with this price?” I yelled at the little twilighter. He put his hands up and muttered something about that being the price and him not having power to change it. I dropped the fucking snowman right then and there and eased up to him. “You want to take this outside right now? I’ll kick the piss out of you,” I challenged. He backed off and went away somewhere and I let out a long howl on account of the desert coming into my mind suddenly.

I didn’t get the fucking snowman and now here I am, back at the kitchen table, screaming and cussing out at the desert.

I don’t recall driving home.

The Lankville Daily News would like to apologize for the preceding article. Mr. Rolly was assigned on article on Christmas cookies.

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