Home > Opinions > OPINION: I’ve Been Punched While Vomiting Before, I’ll Be Punched While Vomiting Again

OPINION: I’ve Been Punched While Vomiting Before, I’ll Be Punched While Vomiting Again

January 14, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Dick La Hoyt

By Dick La Hoyt

Yeah, this is a message for that god damn hayseed that punched me while I was in the middle of vomiting last night at the peanut kiosk. Guess what, asshole? I’ve been punched while vomiting before, I’ll be punched while vomiting again.

So, listen- I’m just standing there at the Nuts Ah! down at Twin Removed Pines Mall, trying to pick out a proper nut for a kid’s birthday party when all the sudden this prick horns in and starts trying to tell his girlfriend about the cashews. So, I’m all like WHOA BUDDY! STEP ASIDE! STEP ASIDE! And he’s all like YOU BUCKING, MAN? and I know that some shit is gonna’ go down.

Nuts Ah! was the sight of a lot of vomiting and punching last night.

Nuts Ah! was the sight of a lot of vomiting and punching last night.

Right about then, though, I started to get this funny feeling in my stomach. I think it was some bad chuck from the greasy island place at the food court. And, well, next thing you know I’m blowing grits against the side of the Nuts Ah! kiosk. But not before this chicken-hearted motherlover has popped me right in the mouth.

So, I’m trying to defend myself and the Nuts Ah! guy is all like WHAT THE HELL, MAN but here I am, ready to ralph again. I try to hold the assclown off with my shoulder but he gets me with a good right at the exact moment that I hurl. Can you believe that shit? Everything went just about everywhere.

I’m down on the ground and this fuckface is trying to wipe his hands off on a nearby decorative plant and his girlfriend is all like YOU GOT PUKE ALL OVER YOUR HAND, DANNY! and I’m fading out, not even thinking about the god damn nuts anymore.

And then when I come to they’ve just propped me up against a bench outside and they sure as shit won’t let me back in and I ain’t going to be able to get those birthday party peanuts and my new heavy weave sweater is ruined.

But I just want that dickbreath to know– I’ve been punched while vomiting before, I’ll be punched while vomiting again.

The opinions of Dick La Hoyt are not necessarily the opinions of The Lankville Daily News or any of its subsidiaries.

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