Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Royer to Appear Nude

Royer to Appear Nude

By Dennis Updatables

By Dennis Updatables

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Enigmatic Lankville businessman Ric Royer will appear nude in a pictorial magazine appearing on newsstands today.

The magazine– CAUTION: MEN! are believed to have paid Royer $10 billion (Lankville) for the photographs.

“Everyone knows that Rock [sic] is a sex symbol in and around Lankville,” noted magazine editor Clint Knepper, who founded CAUTION: MEN! in 1987. “We have been in negotiations with Ric for quite some time. At first, we offered food and a tall ladder, then we went back and forth for awhile, and finally we landed on the amount [of $10 billion].”

Royer, who was interviewed while attending an ambiguous outdoor pageant, downplayed the pictorial.

One of the Royer nude photographs (money shot removed).

One of the Royer nude photographs (money shot removed).

“It’s just me lying in a bed with some shorts on. Then, I take the shorts off. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy this pageant.”

Royer turned towards the stage and watched carefully as a series of actors shot dangerous fireworks into the crowd.

Some are decrying the photographs.

Ida Rumpus, occasional Lankville Daily News contributor and chairman of the Lankville Probity Board, called the images “pornography.”

“You could argue that the images themselves are not lewd (although they are) but they are made lewder by the captions that the magazine printed. Taken all together, they are most certainly filth.”

The captions in question read, “I have a strong tongue and I can take it to the hoop” and “Christmas Shorts”.

“[Ric] wrote those himself,” noted Knepper. “In fact, he insisted on them.”

Rumpus says she will protest the appearance of the magazine today.

“There’s no place [in Lankville] for this sort of garbage. CAUTION, MEN! needs to learn that pornography leads to pizza stripping and challenges. These are things we’d like to see gone from our landscape.”

  1. Chileanmonk
    March 6, 2015 at 9:37 am

    good lord no

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