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Paisley Elected Treasurer

By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler


Loaff A. Paisley has been elected treasurer of Lankville.

The 35 year-old Paisley is an Eastern Hills resident. He has been in the cattle feeding business for 13 years.

“I met Loaff when I had some cattle to be fed,” noted President Pondicherry, who oversaw the election. “Actually, I ended up being completely mistaken. I didn’t have any cattle. But it was a happy accident because I met Loaff. I encouraged him to run for office.”

New treasurer Loaff Paisley.

New treasurer Loaff Paisley.

Paisley defeated incumbent Scancius Power by a tally of 935 to 716. 99% of Lankville did not turn out.

“It was not a compelling election,” noted political analyst and Lankville Daily News columnist Lloyd Byas-Kirk. “Also, there were a lot of other things going on that night. There was a quiz bowl for talented youth, the malls were open late, there were a number of challenges. As usual, debilitating fear of anything outside also played a part in the paltry numbers.”

Paisley earned a bachelor’s degree from the Eastern Hills Easier University and is a member of the Lankville Cattle Bureau. He also serves as assistant treasurer of the Koala Bears and Walnuts Club.

He and his wife, the former Tebbie Raines, are the parents of five children.

“I’m pleased at the results,” said Paisley, in a prepared statement. “For far too long, my opponent Mr. Power, has abused the wallets and purses of our people. I’m asking Lankville to buckle their seatbelts and find the exit. There is one exit and it’s right here.”

Paisley pointed at himself.

He will assume office in early June.

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