Home > Opinions > OPINION: I’ve Been Punched While Owling Before, I’ll Be Punched While Owling Again

OPINION: I’ve Been Punched While Owling Before, I’ll Be Punched While Owling Again

Dick La Hoyt

Dick La Hoyt

OUTSTANDING OPINIONS

Yeah, this is a heads-up for that candied-ass shitheel that punched me in the mouth while I was owling last night. Guess what, buttface? I’ve been punched in the mouth while owling before and I’ll be punched in the mouth while owling again.

So, my brother-in-law Tommy asked me if I wanted to go owling with him last night. “Yeah, sure, I’ll sit around and look at some god damn owls if there’s a six-pack involved,” I said. He gave me that look and started on about some monkey owls or something that were hanging around in the neighbor’s barn. “You want to catch them, I got a big-ass net,” I offered but he just gave me that look again and handed me the six-pack. “You carry the beer,” he said. “GLADLY,” I responded, a little too loud (my sister was asleep on the couch).

So, we sat around the barn for awhile and then this fuckface shows up– some friend of Tommy’s. “We go on owling expeditions together,” Tommy said.

“What are you guys, a couple of faggots?”

I downed a beer and they didn’t say anything. This other piece of shit though, he gave me a look that I didn’t like at all and I decided to keep my eye on him.

Female barn owl (file photo)

Female barn owl (file photo)

Anyway, after awhile, this son-of-a-whore says he sees something and he and Tommy get all excited. They start moving real careful towards the screech of this monkey owl or whatever and that’s when this motherlover steps in front of me.

So, I’m like, “WHOA MAN– THIS SPOT IN THE BARN IS SPOKEN FOR!”.

Tommy immediately was like, “I knew I shouldn’t have taken you Dick– you just scared the damn owl away.”

And this other guy, he’s all like, “who the hell is this guy, Tommy?” and I’m all like, “I’M THE GUY THAT’S GONNA’ KICK YOUR FUCKIN’ ASS” and then he’s all like, “LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY” and I’m like, “LET’S ROCK AND ROLL MOTHERFUCKER” and then one thing leads to another and the next thing I know I’ve been punched in the mouth and I’m lying in the hay looking up at the rafters.

I think it was Tommy who dragged me back inside and my sister was awake by then and she was all, “Christ, did you get punched again Dick?” and I don’t remember much after that.

But I do want that prick to know it– I’ve been punched while owling before and I’ll sure as shit be punched while owling again.

The opinions of Dick La Hoyt are not necessarily the opinions of The Lankville Daily News or any of its subsidiaries.

  1. John Barlow
    April 30, 2015 at 1:16 am

    At least there’s good journalists like Dick LaHoyt writing in the papers these days The rest of it is swimming worms

    There’s only one thing happening these days, and thats your worst paranoid fantasy

    and thats why better paranoid fantasies magazine is going to take over the market for possibly true things

    Imagine what might be happening!

  2. oversion
    April 30, 2015 at 11:54 pm

    I haven’t punched in the head since my teens, nor thrown a punch since. It’s more fun to just dissolve violence.

  3. oversion
    April 30, 2015 at 11:55 pm

    ie haven’t ‘been’ punched in the head nor thrown one since a road hockey fight when I was 17

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