Kitchen Kerfluffle Leaves Hurt Feelings, Unsightly Mess

Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Kitchen Kerfluffle Leaves Hurt Feelings, Unsightly Mess

Kitchen Kerfluffle Leaves Hurt Feelings, Unsightly Mess

April 28, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Dennis Updatables

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

An ongoing dispute in the shared kitchen space in the Office of Financial Excellence at Lankville State University has entered its third week, with no resolution in sight. The dispute began when the last few drops of cleaning liquid were squeezed out of a large bottle of Barlow’s “Magic Hands” Detergent, a popular brand around the upper echelons of the Vice Presidents’ Citadel on the Lankville State Campus.

The “mess”.

The “Magic Hands” Detergent was not replenished, and the dirty dishes (and silent, seething frustration) began to pile up.

“Ridiculous … disgusting … Un-Lankvillian” were some of the words used by Susie P. Totenhotten to describe the scene in the kitchen. Ms. Totenhotten is second special assistant administrator to the Interim Vice President of Financial Excellence and often finds herself tasked with flushing out a coffee pot in the late afternoons.

Rebekah Wollstonecraft, part-time student assistant to the Interim VP, agreed. “Usually the ‘Magic Hands’ gets low, somebody leaves a Post-it Note on the cupboard above the sink, and the next week there’s a new bottle. Not this time.”

“I’m just a student,” she added. “It’s not my job to buy detergent for these assholes.”

Anger bubbles over at missing suds.

Dave Schlarsberger, 52-year-old Assistant Vice President in the Office of Financial Excellence, could not be reached for comment. His office released a statement of surprise and dismay at the state of affairs, however, while disavowing any responsibility.

“I don’t know what the world is coming to, I really don’t,” said Margaret Winchell, someone we stopped in the hall. “I understand that people are frustrated, they’re angry, tensions are boiling over and they have to come out somehow. But what does this solve?” she asked, gesturing helplessly at the neglected kitchen sink. “How does this help anything?”

Ms. Winchell hurried off in distress as a couple of burly men passed by with keys jangling.

As of press time, the “standoff” continued, with the Special-Interim VP of Extimate Affairs threatening to call in an outside cleaning unit if the mess is not dispersed soon.

Comments (0) Trackbacks (0) Leave a comment Trackback

No comments yet.

No trackbacks yet.

FIND YOUR FAVORITE COLUMNS!

CURIOUS LETTERS

Gentlemen,

My name is Fletcher M. Gregory, Jr. and I am 85 years old. I have long been an admirer of your Fluffy Marshes-Mallows; indeed, my man-servant Mr. Swift and I enjoy it atop our sundaes three or four days per week! However, as time has passed, I have noticed that your product becomes more and more difficult to locate in the grocery center and that other, obviously inferior products are now being allotted primer space. Now, this could be the work of the disgraceful he-she that manages my local grocery center (IT'S name is "Steve") but I have had other associates who have expressed similar concerns.

Therefore, I was hoping you could provide me with information on how you intend to rectify this matter as I am fearful that your fine product will eventually disappear forever from the shelves of my local grocery center-cum Sodom.

Yours faithfully,
Fletcher M. Gregory, Lankville

LANKVILLE IN PIECES

Test yourself. Take "Lankville in Pieces" apart and see how long it takes you to get it together again. Puzzle pundits will enjoy this breathtaking, colorful 165-piece jigsaw puzzle of Lankville now being offered by The News. It comes assembled, has a plastic, lock-top storage bag, coupons and a portable "lifter" for use on restaurant tables. The puzzle sells for $20 in The News lobby or for $24 to cover postage and handling by electronic snappy mail. Send cash to: Lankville in Pieces, Kiosk 258, The Lankville Daily News, Lankville City, 02416.

TRAVEL TIPS by Randy Hammers

The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).

© 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 by Devon Fick and The Lankville Daily News. All material written by Devon Fick unless otherwise indicated. With additional material by David Hadbawnik, Shane Meyer, Sarah Samways and Brian Schropp. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Devon Fick and The Lankville Daily News with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

	Jade Gorman on Funny Stories by Dick Oakes,…
	oversion on Samways and Fick: Identity…
	oversion on Funny Stories by Dick Oakes,…
	oversion on Bath Times with My Father Gump…
	Life Lessons Funeral… on Son of Tibbs

The Lankville Daily News