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Pizza Success by Brian Schropp

Brian Schropp on Cuisine

Brian Schropp on Cuisine

Things have been good at my job at ‘The Pizza-A-Round’ for awhile and recently ‘the pizza success’ seems to have kicked into high gear!! The other month I had decided to put some of my ‘culinary talents’ in action and help create some new ideas to help drive sales during ‘off peak times’. Little did I know how much of a success my ‘Mid-Morning Snack Pizza’ concept would be. My manager, Scott was almost glowing as he shared with me some reports spewing out of the noisy dot matrix printer in his pizza sauce stained office. “Jesus Christ, the mid-morning and early afternoon sales have jumped 10% since last month all because of your idea. Sure it’s a hell of a cost making that with all the shit on top but if they are willing to pay $29.95 for the damn thing, then we’ll keep making ’em. You seem to have tapped into the mind of the fat lonely teenager and what they really want from an unhealthy meal.”

​The Mid-Morning Snack Pizza for $29.95

​The Mid-Morning Snack Pizza for $29.95

Little did Scott know that I was that exact teenager some years ago and maybe, just maybe, if I had these sort of pizza options, things would of been a little brighter and the daily pantsing I received in the locker room wouldn’t of been that bad.

Just like with all of Scott’s “talks” however, the negative eventually outweighs the positive and the hammer soon came down.

“The thing is Bri, sales have dropped a little the past few days. Do you think it has the staying power to last? I’ve seen many a concept pizza come down the road only to start out with promise then end up bankrupting the place.”

I sat down in a chair which wasn’t Scott’s office chair (you NEVER sit in his chair) to think about the situation. After a moment the solution came to me (and like with many of ‘my moments’ I heard the slight chorus of bumpkins). “Hey Scott, why don’t we just give customers the option of switching out the cheeseburgers with chicken sandwiches and then the fries for onion rings? Better yet they could mix and match as they please.”

Scott stood motionless giving me ‘The Scott Look’. Did I say something wrong? Does he have a secret fear of onion rings? Was I going to make it home alive? He walked very slowly over to me, bent down and HUGGED me.

“You’re a genius,” he whispered in my ear. “A freakin’ genius.” He smelled like smoke, whiskey, guns, and what I believe to be loose women.

​The new 'Pizza Eggwich' which sells for $12.98

​The new ‘Pizza Eggwich’ which sells for $12.98

My fingers are crossed for my newest creation ‘The Pizza Eggwich’. I had been testing out various prototypes during my lunch breaks (of course paying for my attempts good or bad) and just recently hit upon what I hope is the winning formula. Giving Scott the list of ingredients (he will never try my stuff until it’s on the menu for awhile to make sure it’s safe) he has priced it at $12.98. It was given a test run just yesterday so I was curious about the results.

“You know it’s too early for any results that matter,” Scott reflected. “We did have some guy in here that ordered it and then ran to the restrooms and vomited a shit ton in a trashcan. Turns out the new guy I had on subs, Johnny, forgot to cook the egg at all and just placed it raw on the sub. Needless to say nobody will be hearing from Johnny soon. And I mean, nobody. Anyway, it’s a complicated idea made from a complicated mind so it’s going to take a while for the sandwich makers to get all the steps right. I’m putting high hopes into it and hopefully we will see sales. If this keeps up and the money really starts to come in from your ideas you know what it could mean?”

My eyes lit up, I knew exactly what he was going to say.

“I might look into getting a new managerial sink. Maybe with a plaque on it that says “Brian Schropp- Head Of Cleaning Team.”

I will of course keep you all posted on my new food creations and all the new food places that seem to spring up daily in Lankville. Until then my gentle readers, keep your minds and mouths open to new ideas. Happy Eating!!-Bri

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