Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Lankville Sit-Ins Target Pondicherry

Lankville Sit-Ins Target Pondicherry

Brock Belvedere

Brock Belvedere

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Lankville President Pondicherry is the target of a new political ploy: statehouse sit-ins.

Four groups, disappointed at Pondicherry’s alleged lack of action on recent issues, have held sit-ins this week in his modern reception room.

First, it was the Anti-Challenge League, protesting the rise of challenges in Lankville. Next, it was the United Vitiello Decorative Ham Managers, upset with recent debates over raising the minimum wage. Yesterday, it was the Parents of Bumpkins Union, asking for higher staffing in local schools. And today, Lankville Daily News contributor Dr. David Hadbawnik staged a sit-in for gourd awareness.

President Pondicherry

President Pondicherry is getting mixed reviews.

No group has come away with any major concessions but the parade of protesters continue.

Wanda Barn, one of the President’s receptionists (rated only a 2 of 10 by our staff but who I personally think is banging it out like some sort of smoking angel bomb dropped on the village that is my freak) has a casual attitude about the protesters now.

“It doesn’t even bother me anymore,” she said, sitting at her big desk in the corner of the reception room and filling out that pair of pleated cargo capris like a god damn champ. “Everybody gets their turn.”

Pondicherry usually meets with the groups after they have waited for most of the day. He says he doesn’t encourage sit-ins.

“It’s a phenomenon of our times. The institutions which shape our lives are not as trusted as they were in the past,” the President noted. “I have absolutely no philosophical or political thoughts on why this is– I have not spent very much time thinking about philosophy or politics.”

Once Pondicherry emerges and talks with the protesters, he gets mixed reviews.

“We thought he was a myth,” noted Pam Tucks of the Anti-Challenge League. “But we found out he wasn’t.”

“He gave me no satisfaction whatsoever,” said Hadbawnik. “He wouldn’t even look at my gourds.”

Ms. Barn says that the protesters often leave quite a mess.

“Pamphlets, decorative hams, gourds, some of the bumpkin children have pulled down the floor-to-ceiling drapes– we have the cleaners come in after each sit-in,” Barn noted.

“Where do I get that job?” I joked. “Chance to gape at such pulchritude while cleaning– doesn’t even sound like a job to me,” I added. “Sounds like heaven. Too much space between your lips and mine.”  I gyrated lewdly.

Ms. Barn became embarrassed and the interview was ended prematurely.

Further sit-ins are expected tomorrow.

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