Employee Printing Out an Awful Lot of Lion Pictures
Buck Igloos
LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!
An employee in the Barlow Foods offices in Lankville City has been printing out an awful lot of lion pictures, co-workers are confirming.
The employee was identified as Kelley Pauses, 54, of North Suburban Lankville.
“I’ve been noticing an awful lot of printing being done recently, we’ve been going through a lot of toner,” noted Administrative Assistant Henrietta Schropp. “I’ve been keeping an eye on the queue, and I keep seeing print jobs with weird titles like “Thirsty Cubs”, “Sunning on the Savanna”, “Danger in the Long Grass”– that kind of thing.”
“We’ve counted over 500 lion pictures in the last two weeks alone,” Schropp added.
One of the lion pictures seized this morning.
“I saw [Kelley] closing her drawer really quickly one day and I happened to notice it was stuffed full of lion pictures. I found it very curious,” noted co-worker Lance Parrisher, who later disappeared. “I think she disposed of a lot of files to make room for the [lion] pictures.”
Pauses refused to comment. Her lion pictures were seized this morning and she was sent home early.
“I guess it would be understandable if she had a child that was, say, making a poster for school about lions,” opined Parrisher. “But, she’s barren. I remember because we were all eating cake when she told us.”
“I think she lives alone,” Schropp noted.
Barlow Foods CEO John Barlow, reached by phone, stated that he did not yet have enough information to comment.
“I’ll need to know a little more about these lion pictures,” Barlow stated. “We’ll be keeping an eye on the incident.”
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The book is gone. It will never return. We hear stories but they are likely false. We live in the woods now. We make fire with a lighter that we found in the street. It was crushed by a truck but, somehow, perhaps through some intervention that is beyond us, it still works. We are waiting. We are waiting.
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TONIGHT ON TV! RICHARD AND THE POSTMAN REUNION SPECIAL!
The Hit program from the 1970's returns to Lankville TV tonight on LBC!
ACCOMMODATIONS
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ADULT ADVERTISEMENT
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The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).
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