Home > Cuisine by Brian Schropp > Odds and Ends: Brian Schropp on Cuisine

Odds and Ends: Brian Schropp on Cuisine

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Brian Schropp, Senior Cuisine Writer

Well, there seems to be yet another update on the warnings issued for my ‘Lankville O’s Gelatin Dinner Time Surprise’ recipe. As I stated last week part of the warning was for pregnant women and children under 12 to use extreme caution when eating. Now UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should pregnant women or children under 12 have ANY amounts of this or even be in the same room with the actual completed recipe for more than 20 minutes. I’m still unclear on what exactly is making this so risky to eat especially since I can (and do) eat very large amounts and am perfectly fine. Trying to locate the right channels who issue these statements has been quite frustrating.

Gelatin Surprise with Canned Western Lankville Sausages

Gelatin Surprise with Canned Western Lankville Sausages

Nevertheless, I do have a modified recipe for this gelatin delight which uses Canned Western Lankville Sausages on top. I’ve been told people who have used this particular recipe DO NOT get sick (or die) eating ANY amounts provided that they throw away and not eat the canned sausages on top. Do the sausages somehow absorb whatever toxins (if that is indeed the cause) that are created in the mix? I’ve been wanting to try the modified recipe on my family to see if this is actually true but everyone in the house refuses. If any reader wants to be a ‘test subject’ for me please contact via the paper or stop by the ‘Pizza-A-Round’ when I’m working. I really want to try and make this delicious meal safe for everyone!

Another bit of bad news this week, my entry for the 43rd annual Lankville Food challenge did not make the Deep Northern Suburban qualifying round. I was quite proud of my ‘Deep Northern Meat Bits Dinner Loaf Topped With Sweet Southern Lankville BBQ in A Green And Yellow Butter Sauce’. Scott (my manager at Pizza-A-Round) and I hauled the loafs (each weighed as much as a large brick) to the ‘Doubled-Headed Moose Lodge’ where the judging was taking place. I thought we made a very nice table display with a tablecloth I got from home (yes Mom I promise to ask next time) and a large sign with letters made from construction paper (Scott and I were up LATE the night before cutting them out). The judges didn’t even seem interested in trying some. After one judge finally got a plastic knife to slice into a loaf (the first three broke) he commented that he wasn’t sure if it was even cooked in the middle.

“Just eat around the sides then, you ass,” Scott barked. Then he nodded over to me, “Don’t you see who made this? Dumb shits should be delighted in trying something from one of the great culinary minds around. Have you never tasted butter with BBQ sauce before? With the meat bits it takes it to another level!”

Still proud of my meat bits loaf creation

Still proud of my meat bits loaf creation

Another judge remarked there was a lot of butter on the loaf and she wasn’t even sure how ‘green butter’ is made. (To be honest, I’m not really sure either it just seems to turn out that way when I put all the ingredients together).

Scott was not happy with the judges decision to outright refuse to taste our food. He knocked over the table and a few others around our area while threatening the lives of the judges’ families. When the green and yellow butter hit the lodge floor it made this cool hissing sound and even started to eat into the floor! Luckily I got Scott out of there before any type of law enforcement showed up. I was a bit disappointed in losing but honestly, I knew it was a long shot. The winner of the day was of course the mighty ‘Crown Of Frankfurters’ and I wish it all the success as it battles to win the whole Lankville Food Challenge. I have a feeling it has a very good chance in doing so!!

To end on a brighter note, I stopped by to see my friend Eddie the other day and check how his ‘Bra Lunch Buffet’ was doing. Turns out my article a few weeks ago has helped him increase sales. “Oh yes Bri, I can’t believe how many people show up for the lunch buffet now.” Eddie was grinning ear to ear wearing a very fashionable green and black bra of his own. “You see I was able to buy this beautiful lace bra for myself with the money coming in. I also bought that other plastic tree over there by the buffet stand. I still get the food from the shelter- it’s cheap and the customers don’t seem to mind that much. I did buy new paper plates and am not washing the old ones anymore. It’s a real skill to wash paper plates and make them usable again.” Being in charge of the ‘cleaning team’ at the ‘Pizza-A-Round’ I could sure relate.

A happy customer at the bra lunch buffet.

A happy customer at the bra lunch buffet.

I asked him what sort of people were coming in.

“Mostly men. Men wearing bras. And then using my bras for the buffet. Lot of men sitting around looking at each other men in bras. A few shifty old perverts come in hoping to catch a woman in one but usually leave disappointed. Just really men on men bra action.”

Even though that last sentence made me extremely uncomfortable I was still glad to see things have picked for him.

Until next week dear readers, please keep minds and mouths open to new ideas. Happy Eating!!-Bri

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