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Ask Catrin

July 31, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
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Ms. Catrin answers all of your questions.

Catrin Lloyd-Bollard is an expert in answering questions.

Dear Ms. Catrin,

I’ve been married to my husband for three years and we laugh a lot, have gentle, cordial sex (at my request) and we just bought an ox together. The only thing he wants to add to our marriage is an occasional threesome. I’ve replied that this would not work for me.

Last week, the two of us went to a convention where they showed us some different windows open at various angles. In past years, it was always fun but this time he kept asking all the women if they were interested in a threesome. I got really upset and I’m finding that one week later, I’m still upset.

What should I do?

Annoyed in the Great Lankville Basin

Dear Annoyed,

As you know from your three years of love and laughter with your husband, the partnership between two people is a beautiful, magical, incomparable delight. Now: imagine that delight times three.

Enough said?
Ms. Catrin

***

Dear Ms. Catrin,

I’m getting married in three weeks. My fiancé goes for the natural look and has said many times that he doesn’t go in for anything phony or artificial.

Little does he know that I have had my nose fixed, my teeth capped and my behind has been replaced completely.

I have come close to telling him but I always chicken out.

Should I tell him the truth now or wait until after the wedding?

FRETTING BRIDE
Small Ponds Area

Dear Fretting,

Who You Are is just a story you tell yourself. The past doesn’t exist any longer. You are who you are now — if that’s who you want to be. Forget about where you may or may not have come from, or what you may or not be synthetically comprised of. That is not a story you need to keep telling yourself — or your fiancé, or anyone else, for that matter. You have already taken the revolutionary, self-affirming steps to reinvent yourself as the You you want to be. Now revolutionize your mind, Fretting. Start telling your story the way You want it to be heard. Embrace the new You and start being the You of your dreams: unapologetically, confidently, aggressively, naturally, You.

To You,
Ms. Catrin

***

Dear Ms. Catrin,

I have taught many people how to make delicious popcorn and I derive as much pleasure out of teaching them as they do of learning.

I do not have a question.

Phil, Desert Area

Dear Phil,

Popcorn sticks in my teeth and makes my gums bleed. It is also only good with butter, but I am lactose intolerant.

Ms. Catrin

***

Dear Ms. Catrin,

How do you feel about nudist colonies?

CURIOUS IN CENTRAL LANKVILLE

Dear Curious,

It depends on the nudist colony. The Paddling Bares Canoe Club is a great time for the whole family: down to earth and activity-focused, a great way to get away, get some sun, and stay in shape. The Buns ‘n Fun community in South Dump Lankville is less kid-friendly, but a highly enjoyable stay for mature nudist couples and nudist singles looking for other mature nudist couples and nudist singles. The Sno-Birds resort in the Mountain Region is too groomed for my taste, with inordinate standards of personal hygiene enforced by intolerably cold and clipped regulars. I had a great time one autumn at the Nip of the Neck in Good Neck, Lankville.

Personally, my favorite nudist colony is You Paint On Me I’ll Paint On You, located in the Lankville Outlands. I lived there for several of my most formative years. I have never experienced an environment so rich in art, freedom, and artistic freedom.

Thanks for asking,
Ms. Catrin

***

Dear Ms. Catrin,

My husband is 51 and I am 49.  We have been married for 20 years. Aside from the usual marital squabbles, we have had no major problems.

Yesterday, he came home from a business trip and flatly announced, “I’M IMPOTENT!”

Naturally, my first question was, “how do you know?”

He turned red, never said a word and walked into the other room. We have not spoken since.

Did I do something wrong?

PUZZLED IN PENINSULA

Dear Puzzled,

I’m pretty sure you misheard your husband. He probably actually said, “I’M IMPORTANT!” And then felt hurt when you questioned him.

Ms. Catrin

***

Dear Ms. Catrin,

Would you please explain in detail how salted and unsalted butter differ? I’m being held at gunpoint until you answer.

Desperately waiting in East Lankville Sound

Dear Desperately Waiting,

You wrote me back in March and it is now July. Are you dead now, or should I still answer your question?

Let me know!
Ms. Catrin

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