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Ordeal of a Cosmonaut

September 29, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

Nick Del Rio Space2

Nick Del Rio, Space Asshole Correspondent

Nick Del Rio

Runny shit from a lying fuckchop.

I notice immediately upon approaching the derelict quonset hut that the turf suddenly disappears and is replaced by a pale green substance resembling sand. When I step upon this strange substance however, a tremendous noise like a loud squeak issues forth and I pause, confused. It is then that I hear a desperate rustling inside the hut and the night seems to grow suddenly darker and ominous.

I feel something shoved into my back, with such force, in fact, that it is detectable through my spaces suit. Something is speaking a language incomprehensible to me and then I am thrown into the sand to the sound of that cursed high-pitched squeaking. It is then that I have my first look at The Being.

It is a grotesque blue-hued creature, likely eight feet tall and it is holding some sort of laser awkwardly in its hairy paw. Buckets of drool spurt out of its toothless, gaping hole of a mouth.

And then I am dragged to my feet by Dr. Ernwhitts himself.

“Are you the Frolix from Planet 21?” he asks.

I do not instantly respond. Instead, I stare at this shell of a man, filthy and nearly naked in a series of disgusting rags that are beyond description. He has put up his hand to keep The Being back and he stares at my various identifying suit patches but there seems to be no recognition, no acknowledgement of this very same costume that he once donned himself, with such honor.

“Are you the Frolix from Planet 21?” he asks again.

“Don’t you remember me, Dr. Ernwhitts?” It is all I can think to offer.

He continues staring at me and then suddenly away, at nothing. Then he speaks to The Being in its own savage language.

The Being advances.

“You should run,” he says. “He will eat your head right off.”

I stare one more time into the vapid eyes. And then I run towards the woods.

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