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Otis Nixon: 1955-2015

October 21, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments


By Otho Ump

By Otho Ump

Infamous lurker and Lankville Daily News columnist Otis Nixon has died. He was 59.

Otis Nixon is dead.

Otis Nixon is dead.

Nixon was allegedly walking through a field wearing a fake beard. Witnesses state that he tripped on the beard and broke his neck. His body was then blown into the forest and destroyed. No further information was available at press time.

“It’s a sad day for all of us,” said Daily News editor Marles Cundiff.

Nixon was previously reported dead a week ago today. He was then found alive the following day.

“This time, I think there’s no mistake,” said Detective Gee-Temple, who was the first to arrive at the scene. “There are a lot of little bits in the forest that resemble Otis.”

Relatives, friends and former lovers are invited to visit at the Life Lessons Funeral Home of the Southern Lankville Peninsula, Inc., on Friday, October 23, from 2pm to 4pm, 6pm to 8pm and again at 2am if you’re up for it. Funeral Services will be held on Saturday, October 24, 11:00am at the Great Christ Tube Church of the Southern Lankville Peninsula.

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