Home > Election 2016 > BREAKING: Pondicherry Wins Election

BREAKING: Pondicherry Wins Election

October 20, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

Decision 2016

By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

In a surprise move, President Pondicherry has won his re-election bid for 2016. Sturdy Teddy was named Vice-President.

The results of the recent national poll were declared official in lieu of an actual election.

“I’m lusciously delighted with the results,” said Pondicherry, who secures his second term as President. “This is a great, sturdy, robust nation. We will move forward. It may be a slow forward progress. There may be times when we may even be appearing to move backwards. But in the end, there will be gain.”

Poll results (now official)

Poll results (now official)

Only 49 Lankvillians voted in the national poll (now Presidential election). Pondicherry received 32.65% of the vote.

Sturdy Teddy, who recovered from a close-range shooting, secures his first Vice-Presidential nod.

“We chose Sturdy Teddy because of his resourcefulness,” said Pondicherry, at a small election party held in someone’s front yard. “He comes from the hills, a person of the lowest rank, who has forged a path of decency and public service.”

Shortly before alighting the podium to deliver his acceptance speech, Sturdy Teddy was shot in the face. He is expected to recover.

David Hadbawnik of the Gourd Party placed 2nd in the poll (now Presidential election) and Ric Royer of Hell was third.

Bringing up the rear were Dr. Nickelbee of the Green Sanity Party, Amanda Jennifers of the Morality Party and Randy Pendleton of the Lankville Heritage Party.

No candidate has yet to issue a concession speech.

“And I won’t,” said Hadbawnik, from Gourd Party headquarters in the Snowy Lake District. “This is an absolute abomination. This is a rape of the democratic, Lankvillian process. It won’t stand.”

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