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Flying Saucers Today

January 31, 2016 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Graahaam Fosdick

By Graahaam Fosdick

saucers

On January 7th, at 10:16 a.m., Gene Chilley, a candy-maker in the Western Hills, was working in his candyhouse when he thought he would step outside for a breath of fresh air. Scarcely had he done so, then a strange shimmering glow in the sky made him look upwards. At a point just above the Great Western Hills Mall, a luminous disc as big as the moon but much brighter, was hanging motionless. Mr. Chilley, startled and incredulous, rubbed his eyes several times but the object remained there in the sky and continued to do so for several minutes. Then, suddenly, the object began a rocking movement, discharged a dazzling series of light spheres which illuminated several mall anchor stores, and then began moving at immense speeds directly towards Mr. Chilley.

“I ducked and covered my head,” Mr. Chilley noted later. “There was a tremendous blow and I flew several feet away into a shed.”

“What was in the shed?” we probed.

“Candy,” Mr. Chilley answered immediately.

“Go on,” we encouraged.

” Well, when I came to, my candyhouse had its roof skillfully and cleanly removed and all the candy I had just made was gone.”

Almost at the same moment, at 10:18 a.m., Larry Klacik, an employee of Randy Pendleton’s Double Book Hut, was preparing to urinate in a copse adjacent to the bookstore. “I had got to work a little early, so I was just hanging out in my car trying to drink one off. After awhile, I had to get rid of some of that beer and the copse was pretty inviting for that sort of thing. Anyway, I looked up and there was a shining disc vanishing towards the west horizontally at enormous speeds. There was an orange-colored light trailing behind it and the light expanded and knocked me to the ground. Oddly, when I awoke a few minutes later, I no longer felt the need to micturate although I was still thirsty for more of that beer.”

Flying saucer (file photo)

Flying saucer (file photo)

That same evening, a spokesman for the Western Hills Division of the Lankville Assocation of Space Achievers issued the following statement: “It is very probable that the phenomenon seen by many individuals in the Western Hills Area this morning was a meteorite.”

The explanation leaves us here at Flying Saucers Today unsatisfied. For even though we admit, for the sake of argument, that doubts may be cast on Mr. Chilley and Mr. Klacik’s stories (Mr. Chilley is frequently crazy and Mr Klacik frequently drunk) we cannot for ever disregard the many similar accounts which repeat many of the same cogent details. Take for instance “the rocking movement” described by Mr. Chilley. This movement has been similarly reported by millions of witnesses from all over Lankville. Can millions of people be wrong?

“I would argue, yes,” noted a government official who refused to be identified. “A few years back, everyone went on and on about those giant mystical lake serpents. It got to the point where we had all sorts of diving teams go in and, of course, no giant mystical lake serpents were found. It’s the same sort of craze.”

Again, we are left unsatisfied. This sort of official indifference does nothing to quell the flood of reports that come in almost daily. “I saw a balloon moving at extraordinary speed that then turned into two balloons,” says one.  “I saw a disc that was motionless for a really long time,” says another. “I saw one that I’m pretty sure was equipped with all sorts of vintage electronics,” says a third.

We need to know. We need to know now. The fate of Lankville depends upon it.

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